Top 10 Dumbest Things To See On Cars

I spend about two hours a day on the road, so I see a lot of dumb shit. A lot. Here are, in my opinion, the top ten dumbest things ever to be associated with cars...

10. Wiper Fluid Nozzle L.E.D.s

"Oooh, you're cool! You have little glowing nipples on your hood that spray water!"

9. Antenna Balls

These are dumb, and they have been dumb ever since people started shoving them onto their antennas back in the seventies. Admittedly, the Jack In The Box one is 50% less dumb.

8. "My Kid Is An Honor Student At _____ School!" Bumper Stickers

Seriously. If you have to ask why this is dumb, you must
be a moron. Three words: No. One. Cares.

7. Giant Spoilers

Also known as "Ricer Wings," these aftermarket monstrosities are usually bolted on with a few screws and look extremely dumb! The owner of this car here is obviously looking to break Evel Knievel's Snake River Canyon record. (Okay, so Bubba Blackwell broke it; Evel Knievel just has a better ring to it.)

6. The Pontiac Aztek

True, it is not a car accessory, but it is the ugliest car to be manufactured in twenty years, so I am putting it here at number six.

5. Spinners

There is perhaps no better way to maintain your street cred than to roll with a set of these. Admittedly, I fell victim to some spinners one day at a stop light. I thought the light changed to green because the car next to me looked like it was moving forward. Shit!

4. TIE: Dumb Decals / Magnetic "Sympathy Ribbons"

Dumb Decals: Okay, we get it! Calvin is pissing on the Ford logo! He's been pissing on the Ford logo and many other things for twenty years! We get it!

Sympathy Ribbons: No offense to anyone who wants to honor our servicemen or fight breast cancer, but do you have to put, like, six of these on the back of your mini-van? Really?

3. Fake Add-Ons

Have you always wanted a turbo side air intake, but couldn't afford it? Buy a fake one and attach it with sticky tape! These plastic add-ons are non-functional, and yes, dumb, da-dumb, dumb.

2. Sparkle Paint

Cars with sparkle paint jobs always remind me of an old, gay drum set. Maybe because I received an old, gay, glittery drum set for Christmas one year. All I know is, sparkle paint does not belong on a vehicle that's too big to race on a "Super Action Stunt Set."

And finally...

1. Truck Nuts

"Hey, look at me! I'm such a tough guy, even my truck

has a ball sack!!" This is the dumbest -- and I mean

dumbest with a capital D -- auto accessory ever made.

No wait -- I take that back -- it's so dumb it gets TWO capital D's.

And for the man who has everything? Lighted truck nuts!

The Final 10 Worst Album Covers Ever

21 through 30 of my personal picks as "30 Worst Album Covers of All Time..."

In case you missed them:

1-10 Worst Album Covers Ever

11-20 Worst Album Covers Ever

10 More Of The Worst Album Covers Ever

As promised, 11 through 20. Just god-awful.

Click here for 21 through 30!

10 Of The Worst Album Covers Ever

First off, yes, these are real album covers. They actually went on sale at retail. I know.

There are a hell of a lot of bad album covers out there, far more than I ever imagined. It doesn't matter which decade or musical genre we're talking about, bad album covers are just everywhere, assaulting the eyes and the mind. After sifting though hundreds of images, I chose 30 of the absolute worst travesties I could find. Here are the first ten, in no special order... and each one is equally 100% terrible in its own special way, as you are about to see.

Click here to see 11 through 20!

Top 10 Valentine's Day FAILS

Each year on February 13th, men everywhere shuffle their way into department stores, drug stores and supermarkets; usually on the way home after work at around six or seven PM. We converge at the primary destination... the greeting card aisle. It is at this location where we give each other a slight nod and a knowing "You're here too, huh?" look. It's a brotherhood. We understand the pain.

It is Valentine's Day, and it is not unlike the day Captain Kirk took his Kobiashi Maru training exam. As men, we know this day will be difficult because we are facing a no-win scenario. We must be creative, damn creative. We also have to be fast because we waited until the last minute and goddammit, most of the cheap cards are gone. But more than anything, we have to find a gift to go with this card. A gift that does not suck.

If you are a man... if you want to live... do not, under any circumstances, buy any of these items for your woman today.

1. Universal learning remote

2. Weight Watchers ice cream bars

3. Automotive detailing kit

4. Gift certificate to Curves

5. Hair removal kit

6. Membership to swinger's club

7. Summer's Eve

8. Rims for the minivan

9. Ultra Kinky #79: Bowlin' In Her Colon on DVD

10. Swiffer