15 Worst Action Figures of All Time

These are honest-to-god real action figures. It's almost unthinkable that anyone bought these.

Ann Coulter

Is it a man turned into a woman, or a woman who used to be a man? Remove the little Barbie clothes and see for yourself!

Vanilla Ice

"Yo, Vanilla! Kick it one more time, boy-eeee!" omg this one is beyond stupid.

Li'l Tubby

Who is "L'il Tubby?" Does anyone give a flying f$#*?

"Beach Action" Spider-Man

One can only hope that the person responsible for this plastic abortion was fired from Toy Biz, and that they never get work in the toy industry ever again. There was also a "Babseball" Spidey in this line but I could not locate a picture. Unbelievable.

Sonny Bono (by Mego)

This was actually released back in the seventies when people gave a shit about Sonny and Cher. Personally, I think the real reason he hit that tree was because he wanted to commit suicide over this ridiculously stupid action figure/doll.

Snoop Dog

Wow. Yeah, this is the doll I want my kids to play with so they can idolize and learn how to be a pot-smoking gansta rapper

"Slalom Racer" Batman

Isn't it bad enough they have to keep raping all of our mainstream superheroes with terrible, dopey action figure representations like "Laser-Beam Batman" and "Battle Armor Hulk?" WTF is "Slalom Racer Batman," anyway? My GOD. 

"The Meat" (from Rocky)

The giant slab of meat Rocky Balboa punched. Winner of the "Action Figure WTF Award"

Obsessive Compulsive Guy

Complete with a tiny surgical mask and antibacterial moist towelette. When you grab one off the peg hook, do you keep checking to make sure you really took it off the peg hook?

Lunch Lady

Damn, I wonder if it smells like green beans and mashed potatoes...

MC Hammer

No, "you can't touch this," or the sheer stupidity behind this terrible rectal-smear-of-an-action-figure

Fisto (From Mattel's "Masters of the Universe" line)

Fisto. E-yeah.

Crazy Cat Lady

We all know some weird lady who has, like, seventeen cats, right? Here ya go!

Action Jackson (by Mego)

Look at the guy's face. What a dope. Damn, he reminds me of someone, a movie or television actor from the seventies, but I can't put my finger on him... if you know, be sure to drop a comment...

American Arachnid

Okay, this is where I draw the line. I'm going off so please excuse my rant. Talk about the plunging ass-rape of a childhood dream. For no other reason than to squeeze another dollar out of the superhero-loving public, someone dreamed up "amalgam" characters -- and this -- this rancid wreck. WTF is this?! Please say the people responsible are now working at Taco Bell... please. End of rant.