Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Alien Covenant: Sooner Than Expected (Also My Prometheus Rant, Sorry, It Was A Long Time Coming)



Sir Ridley's follow-up to Prometheus just got an awesome release date bump.  Originally slated for August 2017, the movie is now scheduled to hit on May 19, 2017.

Official Alien Covenant plot synopsis:
Ridley Scott returns to the universe he created in ALIEN with ALIEN: COVENANT, the second chapter in a prequel trilogy that began with PROMETHEUS -- and connects directly to Scott’s 1979 seminal work of science fiction. Bound for a remote planet on the far side of the galaxy, the crew of the colony ship Covenant discovers what they think is an uncharted paradise, but is actually a dark, dangerous world -- whose sole inhabitant is the "synthetic" David (Michael Fassbender), survivor of the doomed Prometheus expedition.

Alien Covenant Cast:
Michael Fassbender
Noomi Rapace (yes, she's actually in the film, as it turns out)
Katherine Waterston
Billy Crudup
Jussie Smollett
Amy Seimetz
Carmen Ejogo
Callie Hernandez
Alex England
Danny McBride
Demian Bichir

I should point out that although Covenant is being directed by The Man Himself, the jury is still out on a few things with regard to this prequel sequel.

< Beginning of Rant >

First, and let's be honest here, although there's no denying Prometheus as a thing of beauty and (dare I say it) downright epic at times, at the end of the day the film was a train wreck. Dull characters and extremely odd behavior on the part of several of those characters — coupled with some seriously WTF elements made a lot of people, this Alien junkie included, question whether or not the film should ever have been made in the first place.

Yes. Lots of stupid shit was going on in Prometheus, no doubt — but just in case you need a recap, well, here are some of the highlights:

• Black goo that does pretty much a million different things, creating more confusion than anything else


• Absolutely terrible, damn near laughable makeup effects for Weyland






• Retarded-looking blue alien jester creature thing at the end, complete with a set of dentures — a thing which 20th Century Fox forced Ridley to cram into the film after seeing a rough cut — solely in order to appease "the fans" who "definitely need to see more alien"




• Stupid-looking alien squid thing

• Every intriguing question asked is met with yet another question... and then another. And we get no answers. Ever. Okay, maybe one or two.  But even those answers come across as vague or guesswork on the part of the characters. For example, near the end of the movie Captain Janek states that he "knows" what the black goo vases are all about, with no actual evidence to back it up. HUH??!! David Lindelof and Ridley Scott forgot one of the cardinal rules of filmmaking: SHOW me, don't TELL me. Provide proof for the viewer without making them feel spoon-fed through dialog... in this case, it's even worse... it's baseless dialog!




• Giant, wax-coated albino guys who press hard-boiled egg buttons, play flutes and transform themselves to quickly and conveniently fill in the "Who Is The Space Jockey?" blank, in what must surely go down as one of the most embarrassingly disappointing events ever to take place within the Alien film franchise


I mean, of all the damage done, I think the space jockey suit thing frustrates me the most. In the 1979 film Alien, we all clearly see that the space jockey's bones have grafted themselves onto the surface of the pilot's contraption/chair. Dallas * himself * confirms this.

Dallas Quote #1:
"Alien life form... looks like it's been dead a long time. Fossilized. Looks like it's growing out of the chair."

Dallas Quote #2:
"Bones are bent outward, like he exploded from inside."

And in case we needed any more proof, here's a god damned picture:



Do those not look like bones to you?

So then WTF is this Transformers-like technology suit thing in Prometheus? AGAIN, IN THE FILM ALIEN, THE SPACE JOCKEY'S DEAD BODY WAS IN THE FORM OF BONES!!! CHARRED, CRUSTY BONES!!! NOT SOME RETARDED REMNANTS OF A BIO SUIT!!!

Two words: Wasted. Opportunity.

• Lastly, and this is the big one, right here... trained professionals who journey billions, if not trillions of miles into space — only to do very few things we would ever expect them to do when faced with this opportunity of a lifetime. These people venture into the unknown and discover all of these amazing things... the alien bodies, the mysterious black goo vases, the giant human head statue, morphing ceilings, terraforming technology, crazy-ass buttons and secret doors... just the whole eerie, fascinating environment itself... they see all of these things only to act like hipster f*cking sad sacks who didn't get what they wanted for Christmas, or that it wasn't gluten-free or some shit... because they didn't get to "meet the creator" or whatever it was they expected to come into contact with.




For Christ's sake — they're seeing all these insanely jaw-dropping sights and barely emote with any sort of child-like amazement! In fact, I'd go as far as to say that I think David acted more human than the humans! He was in awe of everything going on in that map room. The others? They see strange video footage of aliens running through the tunnels, they see piles of dead alien carcasses... and then act like they'd rather watch reruns of Sanford & Son. And don't even get me started on the two guys in the tunnels who had more in common with Shaggy and Scooby Doo than actual experts in their fields. A trained biologist encounters alien life for the first time ever, in the form of an obviously aggressive, hissing alien snake, and what's the first thing he decides to do? He tries to pet the thing! HE TRIES TO PET THE F*CKING HISSING ALIEN SNAKE!! Yeah, hey, let's do that!!

As much as I'm looking forward to Covenant, there's a part of me that still feels very much burned by Prometheus. A lot of fingers can — and SHOULD — point to David Linedlof but the bottom line is, Ridley Scott himself signed off on the entire thing so the buck starts and stops right there in my opinion. Now comes Covenant. Will it add to the confusion of Prometheus? Will it provide any acceptable answers to the questions posed in that film? Are we going to get the thought-provoking 2001-type film we were promised the first time — or will Covenant be just another watered-down action movie cash grab ordered by the suits at Fox?




Look at the teaser poster. "Run." Doesn't exactly come across as high-concept, now does it? Compared to the tagline of Prometheus ("The search for our beginning could lead to our end") this seems like a real step backward in terms of sophistication and it concerns me. We were promised the next installment of an epic, meaningful saga here — not Aliens Part II. Don't get me wrong, I loves me some Aliens as much as the next sci-fi nerd (one of the best film sequels ever made IMO) but we were on a trajectory course for something bigger than running from more xenomorphs. I want action, great action the likes of which we got from James Cameron, but Ridley can't expect people to forget the shit he started in Prometheus. God, I hope that's not what he's doing. Prometheus: "We must seek out answers... the meaning of life... my god, what does it all mean?" Alien Covenant: "The meaning of life? F*ck it, bitch! Run!" Historically, Even though he's had a fantastic career in film, with enormous creative control over his projects — a very good thing, of course — the fact of the matter is, even the mighty Ridley Scott has had to succumb to studio pressure at times (see retarded alien jester above.) Covenant is certainly a chance for man and creator to redeem himself. We can only hope for the best.

< End of Rant >

< For Now >



Monday, November 28, 2016

Four Years

Hard to believe I have not posted since late 2012. Many things in my life have changed since that time, some for the better and some not so much. "President-Elect Trump?" Holy f*cking hell, whaaa?

In any case, I've been thinking about getting back into this blog thing again even if it may not be as frequent as in the past.

Oh and this. LOL





I guess "Xenophobia" is Dictionary.com's 2016 Word of the Year. How can they cut the power??!! They're animals, man!!!!

If you are actually reading this, thank you. You are one of a handful of people to ever come here.  LOL Actually, I wouldn't blame anyone for not coming here, it's been dead for years. Four freaking years.

Seriously though, I do hope to be back soon with more meaningless gobble-dee-gook. Stay tuned!


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Jon Hamm For Superman

I never really saw a photo of Jon Hamm till about five minutes ago... and holy crap if he would not be awesome as an older, more seasoned "Alex Ross" type Superman. WOW! Now I know what all the fuss was about when I read the AICN boards months ago...

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Zach Snyder Confirmed to Direct New Superman Film

It's official! Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen) will direct the relaunch of Superman under the godfather guidance of Chris Nolan.

As for whether or not we might expect a return of Brandon Routh, here's what Variety is reporting.

What do you think?

Thanks, Eric!

Evil Superman

You're doing it wrong.

Drinking Superman Pictures, Images and Photos

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

School Play: Scarface

Scarface, The School Play. File this one under WTF. The description:

Behold, Scarface School Play, quite possibly the most majestic piece of theater we have ever seen. Ever. Its basically the best thing in the world (which is yours!), and I refuse to say more on the subject. Just watch it. Like, seven times in a row.

I can barely process this as something real. Whatever you do, make sure you check out the action at 1:17 -- it will melt your brain.




Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Chris Evans is Captain America

Yeeup, Chris Evans — the Human Torch from those ridiculous Fantastic Four movies — has landed the role of Captain America. The film is set to release next year.


What do you think? Can Evans pull it off?

Monday, March 22, 2010

The Hangover

Took me a while but I finally saw it this weekend... The Hangover. What a freaking hilarious movie, every bit as funny as everyone told me it was. I can't remember laughing that hard at a film in a long, long time.

So I see they're working on a sequel. Can't wait.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

L.A. Times Talks To Christopher Nolan About Inception, Batman 3, and... Superman!

If you're wondering about the status of the next Batman flick, or what's going on with Nolan's consultant role with the next Superman movie, this is a great read.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Trailers For Horrible Movies, #2 In A Series: Leprechaun 4 In Space

More 5-star shittiness, this time from 1997!


Saturday, December 19, 2009

Avatar Mini Review


My buddy Eric just texted me with his take on Avatar...

Saw Avatar in 3D today. The 3D effect is subtle and well done. Formulaic story but well told. Impressive special effects all the way through with a couple of double-take moments. There are probably one or two genuine scenes where they actually completely pass through the uncanny valley. And they look more believable when they're dirty and messed up. Cameron pulled it off. In terms of effects it could be a game changer in the sheer amount and level of consistent quality. If he could make the whole movie through the valley then it would actually rape your eyeballs. As of now it's more of an eyeball hand job, still gets a really happy ending but doesn't leave you with that OMG feeling. Definitely worth your $10 though. 

There you have it. I'd like to get into the theater to see it but I may have to wait until after the holidays. Sounds promising though!



Thursday, December 17, 2009

WTF: Learning English

I don't know exactly what this is but it is god-damn crazy.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Trailers For Horrible Movies, #1 In A Series: Star Crystal

Back in 1985 it seemed everyone was jumping on the whole Alien sci-fi trend. Tons of shitty films were produced on miniscule budgets and foisted upon the movie-going public, 99% of which weren't even good enough to wipe Alien's ass. Here is one of those films. Say hello to... Star Crystal!




Thursday, December 10, 2009

Tron Legacy Pic


Wow. Just wow. I love this shot.

A Remake I Can Get Behind: Disney Is Planning To Give Us A New Black Hole* (Why I Hate Disney's The Black Hole)


About a month ago I was going to blog about how much I think Disney's The Black Hole sucks shaved monkey balls but I got sidetracked.

I never owned a copy of the movie but I've always had some good memories of it from back in the day. I remember HBO ran it every day for what must have been months and I watched it mainly out of sheer boredom (in 1979 cable TV had not yet gone full tilt and my options were limited.)

In any event, so about a month ago I picked up a DVD copy at Giant Eagle for like $3.99. I figured "Hell, it's certainly worth four bucks." As it turns out, sure, The Black Hole is worth four bucks. But just barely.

After watching the film again for the first time in literally decades -- not as a punk-ass teenager with the attention span of a chicken, but as an adult -- I came to the conclusion that yes indeed, despite some high points here and there, The Black Hole is a turd. In my mind the name of the film should be... well I'll tell you at the end. It really is pretty hard to sit through from beginning to end, even for a sci-fi loving geek such as myself. Why do I think it's terrible? I'll get to that in a minute.

Okay so here we are, it's 2009, and Disney has already gone into production with TRON Legacy. The preliminary reports on that one seem promising so yes I'm down with a new TRON, no problem. See, TRON was another piece of filmmaking that did not live up to its full potential. Yeah the effects work at the time blew some minds -- and yeah the arcade game was fun -- but really at the end of the day with its awful dialog and lackluster plot, TRON sucked. Just like The Black Hole sucked. They sucked in different ways but they both sucked. In sharp contrast to remaking a great movie like Total Recall, I think the suck factor of TRON and The Black Hole makes re-imagining both of them 100% justifiable.

Heat Vision Blog recently reported Disney was starting up a re-imagining of The Black Hole. It looks like they're really going to go through with it. I think that idea is dope. The concept was never fully realized (yeah, yeah, I know... Event Horizon... whatever... it's not the same thing) and in the right hands doing it using current technology would just knock people out. I hope it goes through and we get a kick-ass Black Hole film.

So okay now, why do I think Disney's The Black Hole sucks? I am assuming if you have to ask that question, you are either someone who A) has never seen the movie B) saw the movie but can't remember anything about it, or C) is mentally retarded. Just kidding with that last one. Honestly where do I start? First let me tell you what I think they got right. The overall vibe is pretty sweet; it really has an eerie, isolated atmosphere, one which few sci-fi films can attest to having delivered. Some of the direction was nice, the cinematographer did some really nice panoramic camera work inside the ship and outside during the space sequences.

The Black Hole also has an awesomely kick-ass giant red robot named Maximilian. He has whirling blades of death. Yay, whirling blades of death!

Maximilian

The music is also really exceptional. If you've never heard it before, you should give it a listen (watch the clips below). Finally, the set design... holy f#*k! The backdrops, the architecture, the spacial properties throughout the movie... they are god-damned fantastic in my opinion.

WARNING... RANT BEGINS HERE.
WARNING... RANT BEGINS HERE.

Now we get to the shitty part. The pacing is terrible. As I watched it recently I felt as if I had been sent to the belly of Sarlac, where I experienced a new definition of the words pain and suffering. The story has so many holes no wonder the f#*king movie has the word "Hole" in it. Alright maybe we can give it a pass to some degree, I mean the concept of gigantic robots from space that breakdance seems to sit well with the general public so who cares about little things like a spaceship being too close to a black hole for most of the movie without being sucked in, am I right? In its blinded pursuit of the Star Wars gravy train, Disney did not know whether to make this movie for kids or adults and the resulting mix shows... it is a dark film yet at times sillier than Woody Woodpecker. More than anything though, most people who have seen The Black Hole would agree that nothing can save it once they have heard what I can only describe as some of the worst, most shitty, abysmal dialog I have ever heard in my life... delivered in a 100% wooden, robotronic manner. You have Anthony Perkins, a guy who was supposed to be damn good, and here he is sucking hard. You have freaking "heavy hitter" and disaster movie legend Earnest Borgnine sucking even harder. The only one who seemed to be able to deliver his lines in a consistent manner with any sense of realism or dignity is the evil dude played by Maximillian Schnell, not to be confused with the kick-ass giant red robot Maximilian. To top it off the actors all have terrible Disney haircuts from 1963. Jesus give me a break! I was 14 years-old when I saw this in the theater and I swear to god I remember thinking to myself, "WTF is going on with these gay haircuts?!" And the little robots... V.I.N.cent, the shiny new one and B.O.B., the beaten-up trash can looking one. V.I.N.cent comes up with horrible cheesy advice such as "A penny earned..." every five minutes, so annoying. B.O.B. on the other hand, yeah B.O.B., the terrible stupid hillbilly f#*king robot... omg please. SLIM PICKENS IS A F#*KING ROBOT!!! DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE TO CONVINCE YOU THAT THIS MOVIE SHOULD HAVE BEEN CALLED "THE ASS HOLE: A JOURNEY THAT BEGINS WHEN YOU WALK OUT OF THE THEATER," AS IN WHEN I EAT TACO BELL AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING, THE JOURNEY OF TACOS BEGINS IN MY MOUTH AND ENDS WHEN THEY COME OUT OF MY ASS HOLE AND GO INTO THE TOILET! NO, HOW 'BOUT THIS ONE, "THE ASS HOLE: A JOURNEY THAT ENDS WHEN I F#*KING GET UP AND TURN THIS SHIT OFF!" THAT'S THE JOURNEY, RIGHT THERE!!!

END OF RANT

Take care and ttys!


Two shitty robots and one really cool one


The only dude in the film who could act


Mego's line of The Black Hole action figures.
As a 14 year-old who refused to give up on toys,
I actually bought two of these with my allowance...
a V.I.N.cent and a Robot Sentry
(for some inexplicable reason... I must have
thought they would look cool battling my Star Wars guys)



Maximilian and his whirling blades of death




The opening six minutes and twenty-six
seconds of the movie. If you listen, you'll
hear a few notes blatantly borrowed from Star Wars.
Overall though, a great soundtrack.


* Which is better, I suppose, than a Dirty Sanchez.


Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Official TRON Poster Revealed

Can I get a HAIL YAY-us?

Click the image for bigger goodness.

Talkback Comments Re: The Latest Spider-Man 4 Rumors

Sometimes I swear to god I laugh out loud at comments made by AICN talkbackers. If you've never paid witness to the boards on AICN, you are really missing out. We all know what happens when some geeks in this world read news or rumors they don't agree with... they take to the Internets and go off like mad cow. When AICN talkbackers read something they don't like some of them take it to the next level. One part clever, two parts humorous, seven parts hatred. Some comical shit to be sure.

This time, the rage is in response to the latest Spider-Man 4 rumors. John Malkovich as The Vulture? Anne Hathaway as Felicia Hardy a.k.a. The Vulturess? WTF is a Vulturess? WTF happened to The Lizard? Lots of WTF happening there. But yeah, I can almost guarantee right now that you will laugh at many of these golden nuggets. Let's fire away, shall we?

Ex Disgraced Gov Elliot Spitzer should play Vulture
by Stalkeye
Dec 8th, 2009
12:30:24 PM
he looks like a spitting image; older and creepy looking.

the only person to play the vulture is......
by RighteousBrother
Dec 8th, 2009
12:30:53 PM
LARRY DAVID!

The problem with Larry David...
by loodabagel
Dec 8th, 2009
12:32:59 PM
It's a PG13 movie, so he'd be at a loss for words. "Whattaya mean I can't call him Spider-cunt? It's hilarious!"

110 minutes of p. parker's life issues, 10 of spiderman.
by HaterofCrap
Dec 8th, 2009
12:33:17 PM
that is the formula for these shit movies. peter parker is the biggest bore in comics/movies.

AWESOME! Not.
by Quake II
Dec 8th, 2009
12:36:47 PM
Vultress? No fucking way. This is shaping up to be twice the abomination that Spider-Man 3 was. They'll probably throw in the Lizard, Vulture, Mysterio and the Rhino just to overcrowd the movie like the last one did. Did these assholes learn nothing from Batman & Robin? ONE villian, ONE hero. Concentrate on those TWO characters and go make the movie.

I cant wait for "Grape Vultress Slurpees" 
by soup74
Dec 8th, 2009
01:00:50 PM
maybe burger king will give us a double decker chicken sandwich called "the vultures"

It's funny that anyone even gives a shit
by malificus
Dec 8th, 2009
06:57:51 PM
after that abortion that was Spidey 3 I have to laugh that bullshit rumor like this can even generate a response at all. I give Sam total credit, I'm still a fan but I hated Spidey 3, it's almost as if he has some sort of creative axe to grind, like he's purposely making them shittier and shittier the more money they throw at him, and christ Toby McGuire loathes it as well. This story is complete horseshit, Vulturess? If anything remotely like that makes it to film it will kill Raimi's cred once and for all, what small amount he still has. Bring in Electro and Mysterio and stop fucking around, assholes!!
With Anne Hathaway
by NippleEffect
Dec 8th, 2009
01:06:03 PM
there's a chance of some Vulturess side bewb

If this is true, it is the FUCKING END of Spider-Man!
by REVENGE_of_FETT
Dec 8th, 2009
01:06:20 PM

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL! Why in THE FUCK would you have Felicia Hardy....and not have her BE Felicia Hardy? Why use that name? It makes ZERO SENSE!

If Raimi is absolutely intent on using the dopiest characters in Spider-Man lore, then yes, by all means, use The Vulture! Not using The Lizard because it doesn't have a human face is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in connection with these films, and that includes emo hair and disco dancing!


Remember when they cast Dafoe as the Goblin
by Quake II
Dec 8th, 2009
01:13:11 PM
And everyone went, BRILLIANT idea! He LOOKS like the Green Goblin! Add some pointy ears and makeup and it's perfect! Then they covered what is essentially the perfect Green Goblin face with A FUCKING PLASTIC HELMET! Yeah, This series has fucked things up from day one.

I can't believe they are serioous about 4th
by Glory_Fades_ImMaxFischer
Dec 8th, 2009
01:21:55 PM
Spiderman 4 = Superman 4

WOO HOOO, FUCK IT UP EVEN MORE !!!
by VADER77
Dec 8th, 2009
01:32:22 PM
if it wasn't bad enough that Spiderman 2 and 3 sucked, course i didn't think they could fuck Spiderman up any more than they did in 3, here they are proving me WRONG. look, i love Spiderman, and I don't mean the movies, I mean Spidey the character, the comics. The first movie was bad enough as it was, but at least I could watch it, 2 stunk, and 3 was just a horribly effin' nightmare of a travesty that is Marvel/Raimi. Quit taking artistic license with these iconic characters and FOLLOW THE FUCKIN HISTORY!! It's OK to change some stuff here and there, tweak things, but you have to stay true to the cores... they are bastardizing everything about Spidey, and it seems like no one even cares. Stan Lee should be beat within an inch of his life, brought back to health, and have it done again, over and over for pimping out his characters. I can't even believe they could stoop low enough, as to completely change a character like Felicia Hardy-Black Cat, and now SUPPOSEDLY the Vultress.... UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE. and i HATE Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane. PERIOD.

This will under perform.
by AllPowerfulWizardOfOz
Dec 8th, 2009
01:37:48 PM
It will be a total train wreck. Nolan raised the bar for all comic book movies with TDK and after the last outing of Spiderman it's going to be hard to get people back into those seats again especially casting a weak villain like The Vulture. Terrible terrible choice if true.

Malkovich's line readings:
by REVENGE_of_FETT
Dec 8th, 2009
01:53:08 PM
"Listen. You. Spider. Man. If you think. That I. Would just. Give. Up. Then you. Are sadly. Mistaken. Get thee back. Little. Freak. And witness. The. POWER OF MY AVENGING WINGS!

Old-Ass Super-Villains
by Aquatarkusman
Dec 8th, 2009
01:53:56 PM
Nothing beats "The Terror" from The Tick. I think he beat up Teddy Roosevelt.

Maybe It's Inevitible That Spider-Man Be "Batman & Robined." 
by Sean38
Dec 8th, 2009
02:02:14 PM
Then we can wait a decade, blow the whole thing up, and start over.

AUNT MAY DIES WHEN HER GIRLFRIEND RUPTURES HER…..
by TehCreepyThinMan
Dec 8th, 2009
02:08:57 PM
Bladder with a strap-on that wasn’t greased properly for the dirty old c#*t!

F*CK THE SUITS!!
by marineboy
Dec 8th, 2009
02:18:30 PM
F*CK HOLLYWOOD!!! F*CKING WITH OUR MYTHOLOGY - REWRITE THE BIBLE WHILE YOU"RE AT IT YOU PRICKS!!!!

This *has* to be fake.
by spaceworlder
Dec 8th, 2009
02:28:58 PM
There's no way in hell someone would be stupid enough to make Felicia Hardy the "Vulturess." That would just be inviting an geek/internet backlash of epic proportions. This source either misheard something or he's full of shit. It's just too dumb to be true.

I call bullshit
by SithMenace
Dec 8th, 2009
02:31:01 PM
Sam Raimi has always been respectful of the old school Spider-man villains in his films (although Harry should have been in the original Goblin suit for a total Parker mindfuck), so I can't see him changing Felicia Hardy from The Black Cat to the Vulturess. I say it's misinformation or a bullshit source.

Felicia Hardy, the Black Cat as the Vultress??? GREAT!!!!
by Johnno
Dec 8th, 2009
02:50:45 PM
Now all you assholes will have something genuine to complain and bitch about instead of expending all that misplaced energy on Avatar!

thats some stupid shit
by Dharma4
Dec 8th, 2009
03:01:24 PM
Vulture and Vulturess? WHAT THE FUCK? So VENOM is fucking okay? But The Lizard isn't? Did Raimi lose his balls? WHAT THE FUCK! THIS HAS ME SO FUCKING MAD.

When The Goblin and Spidey had conversations,
by theycallmemrtibbs
Dec 8th, 2009
03:08:59 PM
It felt like I was watching an episode of the Power Rangers. Had to put that out there.

Every-time the Goblin spoke, his head bobbed up and down because of that helmet he wore (Damn, I wished that was make-up.)

Spidey wears a mask, you would think you could at least see his mandible move when he spoke.

The whole Lizard fiasco is bullshit, Raimi need to grow a pair and tell those suits to fuck-off because Nolan raised the bar with Two-face. If that make-up job could get pass an audience without offending anybody, I'm quite sure the lizard could as well.


The Soup Nazi would make a better villain
by YackBacker
Dec 8th, 2009
03:11:58 PM
2 hrs of Spidey battling for lobster bisque!

Spiderman 4: The Quest For Peace
by ChocolateJesusMan
Dec 8th, 2009
03:15:30 PM
So Whose gonna be the "Nuclear Man" in this crap-fest

I agree with you guys about the Lizard/Morbius storyline.
by The Reluctant Austinite
Dec 8th, 2009
03:26:53 PM
I geeked out when the rumor about the Morbius/Lizard and the mutant six-armed Spider-man storyline surfaced. I love that story, and it would be a total freakshow episode of the series. I'm kind of up for that. Plus it would give Spider-man a new look to exploit for toys, action figures, etc. The Vulture was kind of a boring villain to me as a kid (he's not likely to be a big selling toy with kids). I hope they can pull it off.

In the 5th film we get... THE HOBO-GOBLIN...
by The Dum Guy
Dec 8th, 2009
03:43:14 PM
The spider that bit Peter in the first movie bites a bum behind a party store around Halloween, the bum (crazy-drunk on a can of Sterno) finds a discarded pumpkin costume behind the store. 

Thinking that Spiderman stole his bicycle, he dons the pumpkin outfit to fight Spidey for his Schwinn.

The Shockerette
by turketron_2
Dec 8th, 2009
03:49:06 PM
Defeat her by using "2 in the pink 1 in the stink" technique... spidey, you're almost there, just extend your middle finger along with the other two!

Patrick Stewart as the Vulture...
by Read and Shut Up
Dec 8th, 2009
04:03:33 PM
...couldn't save this. Please, Mr. Raimi. You're a fantastic filmmaker, and seem like one of Hollywood's nice guys. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN. VULTRESS? "Make it so, Vultress!" The fuck you say?!

Yes he will SithMenace
by inneeduvasuperhero
Dec 8th, 2009
04:11:35 PM
For as much as he got right in the first 2, he still mixed up Gwen and MJ, gave us a spiderman that is very short on great sarcasm, gave the goblin a power ranger costume, made Sandman Ben's killer, and made Harry's Goblin into something from the X-games.

I just took a big Raimi. Should I flush it? I think I will.
by Mike_D
Dec 8th, 2009
04:15:50 PM
*flushes*

TehCreepyThinMan, UNCLE BEN KILLED HIMSELF!!!
by Big Jim
Dec 8th, 2009
04:30:21 PM
Spidey digs up Ben's corpse, alternately pummeling what's left of him into jelly crying "You killed my Uncle", and hugging him close with tear-filled promises of "I won't ever let you down again".

PAKAAAAAAAAAAAAW!
by brokentusk
Dec 8th, 2009
04:40:44 PM
"Oh shit, it's The Vulture! We're fucked!"

RAIMI GOTTA EAT!
by Nerd Rage
Dec 8th, 2009
04:54:39 PM
I bet he takes the money no matter how shitty the script. You think he's going to go back to making small horror movies for peanuts? He's got a death grip on this golden goose and he ain't letting go.

I am So Sorry
by knowledge1027
Dec 8th, 2009
05:06:00 PM
True story week before Thanksgiving I meet Sam Raimi in Manhattan near were i work, got to shake his hand and everything. Thought it was pretty cool, now with this news I must say I am sorry to everyone that I didnt kick him in the balls. P.S. I think The rumor Is bulls@#$ I hope

Hey, I just found the teaser poster!
by brokentusk
Dec 8th, 2009
05:54:10 PM
http://imgur.com/8rz7i

Transcript of the Meeting
by marcspector
Dec 8th, 2009
05:56:08 PM
"Hm, the Vulture, huh? Does it have to be a bald guy?" "How about a hot chick!" "The Vulture... ess?! Anyone? The Vulturess? Huh? Bikini and wings? Maybe some go-go boots? How about it? I'm thinking Halle Berry." "Make it Anne Hathaway. And let's replace that Lizard subplot with a dance number!" "Done and done. What's for lunch?"

Really, Marvel? Really?
by atalcot
Dec 8th, 2009
06:36:16 PM
Sigh, I guess we'll just have to wait 10 years for Christopher Nolan to reboot this Series with "Spider-Man Begins"

SO an OLD man in a Vulture suit is ok, but a Lizard ain't?
by Cinemajerk
Dec 8th, 2009
06:45:02 PM
Let me get this straight. The suits are nervous about a meek scientist who transforms into a COOL looking powerful Lizard man.....but they aren't about an OLD MAN in a VULTURE suit?? LOL. Gimme a break. A CGI Lizard who hisses and talks and kicks ass would be AWESOME. Don't get me wrong, Malkovich would be great too. But on the silly scale, a man in a Vulture suit is A LOT sillier than a Lizard Man. :-)

Stupid fucks!
by Logan_1973
Dec 8th, 2009
06:50:37 PM
The whole goddamn world has been waiting for the Lizard! He's got to be more believable then the fucking stay-puft-marshmellow-man Sandman we got! Liz should have been there 3 films ago!

Put Hathaway in Butt Floss
by NippleEffect
Dec 8th, 2009
07:15:31 PM
it'll make a billion dollars

Electro-Woman (and Dyna-Girl)!
by Flim Springfield
Dec 8th, 2009
07:40:12 PM

Apparently Lizard and Kraven just made too much sense
by Miyamoto_Musashi
Dec 8th, 2009
08:07:36 PM
The studio is experimenting, "how much of a mess can we make of a Spiderman movie and still get lots of people to see it, can we top Spiderman 3?"
There's two elements to a Spider-Man film:
by TedKordLives
Dec 8th, 2009
08:23:36 PM
There's crying, and there's the Vultress.-McG

BTW I'm still laughing at "PAKAAAAAAAAW" and "side bewb."