Overheard in New York Part 2

Way back in February I posted some of my favorite Overheard In New York quotes, and I had every intention of posting more. I forgot. So here we are now, in August, and I'm trying to redeem myself. This stuff is great. Read a few and you'll see for yourself...

Thug: Damn! You can't go nowhere now without seeing faggots. I saw two brothers holding hands on the train the other day. It's like they were coming out of the closet on the train!
Thugette: There ain't no closet on the train.
- L Train, 8th Ave

Guy: I'd like the two-for-one sundae deal.
Employee, agitated: It's not two-for-one!
Guy: It's not?
Employee: It's buy one, get one free!
- 6th St & 1st Ave

Old creepy guy: You're a pretty lady.
Random lady, walking by: Thanks.
Old creepy guy: I should kidnap you.
- Tour De Brooklyn Rest Site

Cashier to woman hurrying towards exit: Hey! What are you doing?
Woman: What? I ain't done nothin'.
Cashier: Where's the bag of beer that was on this counter? You took it.
Woman: No I didn't! I didn't! I don't got no beer!
Cashier: Yes, you do. You have it. Now give it back.
Woman: I don't know what you talkin' about! (runs out the door, holding something under her jacket)
(older male employee walks in)
Man: What was that?
Cashier: She just stole from us, Mike! Follow her!
Man: Nah, calm down. It's not a big deal.
Cashier: She took your beer!
Man: What? (runs after her)
- Hallmark, Park Slope

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin' douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) F#*k! My asshole dog just s#*t in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It s#*t in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!
- D Train

20-something girl: There's this guy in my class who's like an Indian. But, I keep reading these things about how we were so horrible to the Indians and how there are none left, so where did he come from? Like, if there are none left, where did he come from?
- Rockefeller Center

Stranger to six-year-old girl who is one dollar short when paying: Hey there, sweetheart! I will pay that last dollar for you. Don't you worry.
Girl: No! You are fat!
- Dylan's Candy Bar

Kid: Why is it raining so much?
Mom: The rain is god's tears, because Michael Jackson is dead.
- Livingston & Court, Brooklyn

Girl #1: Ben's hot, but I think he's gay.

Girl #2: No way. Why?
Girl #1: He asked me if my carpet matches my drapes.
Girl #2: I don't think he's gay.
Girl #1: Oh yeah?
Girl #2: Call him up and tell him he can chew on your carpet!
Girl #1: What?
- Central Park

Middle aged woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where I can find English muffins?
Teen employee: All the muffins are in that aisle over there, but I don't know where they are from.
- Waldbaums Supermarket, Bayside

Elderly security guard #1: You got plans this weekend?
Elderly security guard #2: Nah, man.
Elderly security guard #1: Oh, I know what you got planned!
Elderly security guard #2: Nothin', man. I'm gonna be sleepin'.
Elderly security guard #1: Sleepin' like a pervert!
- 7th Ave b/w 37th & 38th

Little boy in blue blazer and khakis: I'm having a party. You can come.
Little girl in flower dress: (keeps skipping rope)
Little boy: You can bring your Lego people!
- 25th St & Broadway

Hobo: Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not hungry or sick, I just need some money so I can get high, but it's just weed, I don't do heroin or cocaine or any of that s#*t.
Guy: You know, it's because of guys like you that people think pot should be illegal! Look at you! When I get high, I pay my own way! I earn my own money and get high! There are little kids on this train! What do you think they're going to learn? Man, think a little!
- 4 train

Suit #1: We need to come here more often and find some whores.
Suit #2: Yeah, whores are everywhere around here.
Suit #1: You always have to pay for whores with cash... it's when you use a credit card that they catch you.
- Marriot on Broadway

Man on cell: I would f#*king marry the girl, if it wasn't for every time I went down on her she tasted like hummus.
- 3rd Ave. & 11th St.

Kid #1: Yo, look at that Jetsons mom's hair.
Kid #2: What's the Jetsons?
Kid #1: You don't know the Jetsons? Dem's those niggas that live in space.
- N train going uptown

Dumb teen: Hey, look at this! It says "Train for jobs in biotch."
Smarter teen: Fool! That word is biotech. Why you gotta be ignorant all your life?
- 1 train

Gay guy #1: Well, I was fed up with Maria. I told her that the conversation was over. I said, "girl, this is it. You better stop this or I will cut you." Like, "I know where you live, girl. You better watch your back."
Annoying Latina, laughing: Well, you better be careful if you go and cut her. I think she might have Aids.
Gay guy #2: Say what?
Gay guy #1: Okay, what?
Annoying Latina: Yeah, well, it's okay cause not all Aids are bad.
Gay guy #1: Girl, what are you talking about? Aids is Aids!
Annoying Latina: Yeah, but there's those people that live with it. Its not that bad.
Gay guy #2: Okay, girl, then you go get Aids and tell me how that goes.
- 13th St b/w University Ave & Broadway

Young woman: I heard this funny joke. A man comes home and his wife says "Your boss called and said that you were fired." The man answers "F#*k him!", and the woman says "I did, and now you have your job back."
Woman's husband: I don't get it.
Eight-year-old son: C'mon dad, she made out with the boss!
- F train

Girl #1: So when was your first kiss?
Girl #2: My 17th birthday.
Girl #1: How about your first time making out?
Girl #2: Also my 17th birthday.
Girl #1: ...first blowjob?
Girl #2: This is awkward. 17th birthday, again.
Girl #1: How about when you lost your virginity?
Girl #2: 17th.
Girl #1: How about the first time you --
Girl #2: I know what you're about to ask, and the answer is "my 17th birthday" again.
Girl #1: God damn! What the hell did you do for your 18th birthday?
- R train

Girl: He had Tetris.
Guy: Tetris?
Girl: You know, when you twitch involuntarily.
Guy: Oh, you mean Tourette's syndrome!
- 6 Train

Woman #1: You totally should get knocked up by him. With the child support you'd get, you'd be set for life.
Woman #2: I know! Right?
- Gym, Columbia University

Loud woman on cell: And then he had the nerve to ask me if it was cause he's black! I was like, "it's not cause you're black, it's cause you slept with that stripper!"
- Starbucks

20-something girl: You know what I miss? The 90s.
20-something gay guy: Oh, hell no, girl. Do you remember the hair? People had all that damn Aqua-Net left over from the 80s and didn't know what to do with it!
- NYU

Click here to read more really good Overheard In New York quotes!

Click here to go to the official Overheard In New York website!

Wal*Mart Bingo

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An Engine That Runs On Mountain Dew: Wait Until You Read THIS!

omfg this guy invented an engine that runs on FREAKING MOUNTAIN DEW and other liquids! But it's more insane than that... Paul Patone, the inventor of the engine, was locked up in a mental institution because... well... just read this:

The system has been 25 years in the making and it wasn’t an easy ride. According to the GEET (Global Environmental Energy Technology), he was the victim of inventor abuse by corrupt Utah officials and businessmen. After refusing to sell his patents and technology, he was framed for securities fraud and put in a mental ward at the Utah State Hospital in March of 2006. He was freed May of this year.

All I have to say is HOLY F#*KING S#*T!! If you had any doubt before about our American government being corrupt, now would be a good time to wake up and smell the evil. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if a couple of CIA guys showed up at my door to haul me away just for typing how much I hate those f#*king corrupt American government f#*kers.

Click here for part of the amazing story.

Click here for the whole amazing f#*king story.

Here's a video clip:

At one point I'll have to Google and post the story of how, back in the 1940's I think it was, our loving and caring American government bought and bulldozed a factory that was poised to manufacture a combustion engine that got something like 100 miles per gallon of gasoline. Remind me if I forget, it's a good one...

I'm not bitter today. No.

John K Pitches A Cartoon Show At 2009 San Diego Comic Con

In the spirit of full disclosure, let me just say I am a big fan of John K's work. John has such a unique style and vision and such a vast knowledge of cartooning, it just blows my mind. Most of all, his cartoons always make me happy. -Mr. Fun

This is pretty neat. John Kricfalusi, creator of Ren & Stimpy, pitched a George Liquor cartoon to a group of Comic Con attendees this year. I assume he has since then pitched it to actual TV execs.

Love his blog by the way. As a cartoonist myself, I visit nearly every single day. Here's a good post proving why John is The Ghandi Of Cartoons.

Disregard the fact that John has only had one huge-scale cartoon hit in Ren & Stimpy (not to mention the fact that he got very screwed over by Nickelodeon) and disregard the fact that yes, some of his ideas are strange (maybe stranger than even I would accept, and I am one strange guy)... the man is very much a cartoon genius.

So here's the pitch in two parts, check it out:

John K's Cartoon Show Pitch, Part One

John K's Cartoon Show Pitch, Part Two

A couple of observations:

1) We can confirm that yes, John K is insane
2) I never knew John did such a great job as the voice of George Liquor (originally voiced by Mike Pataki)
3) I'm not sure what the odds are of this cartoon actually being picked up... it seems a bit disjointed and a little hardcore

What do you make of this? He did a nice job getting his pitch across I think. I really love John's overall approach to cartooning (how The Masters used to do it) and his sense of style/technique. I like his approach to directing too. And I love his spirit and quirkiness. But I just don't know about a cartoon called "George Liquor." Nickelodeon actually edited-out the "Liquor" portion of his name when the character appeared in Ren & Stimpy back in the day. I'm not sure much has changed since the 90's. If anything, isn't the world even more politically correct now? Sadly, I think it may be. On one hand I can see a network like Spike picking up a short called George Liquor. On the other hand I'm not so sure the old-school, kiddie vibe meshes with the hard edge of George. It's almost as if the cartoon is trying to appeal to two totally different demographics: adults and little kids. I suppose that may not be terrible in and of itself — it's the recipe for most successful cartoons, actually — it's just strange to see a character like George Liquor (with his cigarettes and boozing) hanging out with little children. Ren & Stimpy were animals. These are kids. I know it's a frickin' cartoon, it's just an odd combination to me and I'm not seeing people accepting of it.

Then again, maybe he's going after the Family Guy crowd.

So. If you were a TV exec looking for new cartoon programming, would you consider this? I welcome your comments...

Offical Avatar Movie Poster Hits, Hilarious Commentary Ensues

Here's the official Avatar poster, wanna see it?


Anyway, so this poster sparked some recent Avatar-related commentary on the AICN Talkback boards. The mere thought that Cameron fanboys might actually be ripping on this breakthrough, "it's-gonna-change-the-way-all-movies-are-made" upcoming film is funny to me. As I read the comments I was surprisingly entertained. Here are some of my favorites, see if you have a chuckle or two...

Looks like the TOTAL RECALL DVD cover. Underwhelmed.

All of the artwork we have been shown is exremely generic. Nothing as groundbreaking as seeing the terminator or alien design for the first time.

I'm glad to see Rebecca Romijn is getting some work.

In terms of EYE RAPE, that there nifty TRON trailer ALREADY raped the world's eyes. EVERYONE I know, from the casual consumer of occasional geekfilm to the RAGING FANBOYS n' FANGIRLS went completely apeshit for that trailer. Not so much for a giant picture of a Thundercat.

A turd in 3-D is still a turd... by Jim Cameron's beard, doth sayeth.

AND I THOUGHT NA'VI P#*@Y SMELLED BAD... ON THE OUTSIDE!

Will the cat girl=JarJar? Remember his "performance" was supposed to revolutionize film making as well...

I can't wait to see this do the relative box-office of BEOWULF, which is all anyone is going to see it as - "Wow, it's one of them computer movies!" They could spend $500trillion dollars on the effects, put the movie in 3-D with Smell-o-Vision added, dance in the streets advertising free beer at the auditoriums, and people would ignore this. Just look at what happened at ComicCon. The geek crowd went rushing to their blogs to proclaim it ... kinda OK, and the average person remained totally unaware of it. Consider that they're going to show a BIG CHUNK RELAIVE TO THE RUNNING TIME of this movie for FREE because they can't drum up interest any other way. This project is beyond doomed, and may destroy a studio in the process, and will almost certainly destroy the bankability of one James Cameron, who really ought to know better. It's a SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE ABOUT A HERO WHO'S NEVER IN DANGER BECAUSE HE'S USING A PUPPET ... WHO GETS TOGETHER WITH A BLUE THUNDERCAT IN THE JUNGLE TO LEARN THE BEAUTY OF NATURE. Consider that. Just ****ing consider that, all you proclaimers that it's going to be the biggest box-office hit of all time. You're NUTS.

Wow, CGI so realistic they could have painted an actor for the same exact effect!

This movie is about the epic quest to get danny devito's autograph.

James “King of the World” Cameron has not spent 12 years and 300 million to simply make a movie, F#*% NO, what he’s done is created a motion picture so advanced that every aspect of it has been though out to the tiniest detail from the gravitation field of the planet Pandora right down to the cellular structure of a 12 foot tall female with an enormous blue gash!!!

GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BLUE BITCH!!!

Why the hell did the title designer choose Papyrus font? It is the single most overused "specialty font" around. I guess everyone thinks it looks classy and refined. It just looks tacky now.

They say when you see this poster in person a dick comes out of it and f#*%s you in the eye.

In her p#*@y, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years.

I am thinking that this will be another Abyss.

Horrible, just horrible marketing!!! Really, who's supposed to give a shit seeing that poster? No one besides some fanboys knows anything about that upcoming flic. No teasers, no interviews, rarely any glimpses regarding the look of the movie. I know, Cameron wants to suprise the fans but Sci-Fi just doesn't play for the common audience (anymore). And that poster is just another example of bad marketing. It's too simple and uniteresting to tease the everyday moviegoer and the letters "from the director of...Titanic" won't do anything for the Sci-Fi-fans! I'm surely going to watch this but I'm affraid that a possible new quality franchise will totally bomb just because of lousy marketing!

Will there be onscreen sex? And a gigantic blue hovering nutsack swinging in gloriuos 3D over our eyeballs? There better be, otherwise devin from chud won't like it.

Ya know, this all kinda reminds me of 1999, when everybody heard George Lucas was about to release the first of three "prequel" movies to STAR WARS. George-f#*@ing-Lucas, man. After twenty years' sabbatical, the dude who directed STAR WARS was gonna come back, with today's special effects to finally realize his imagination, to DIRECT ANOTHER STAR WARS MOVIE!!! And that first trailer!!! No way was it gonna be bad... Aw, hell, you guys know how that turned out. Anyway, Cameron is definitely eighty times the director Lucas is ... but so was Spielberg. And INDY IV happened. Maybe I'll reserve judgment until there's at least a trailer, but I have a feeling we're all gonna wish he'd put this money and effort into a TERMINATOR sequel. There's an awful lot of "Oh. Is that it?" going on here, and I'm afraid it'll only get worse.

I guess I'll have to settle for an eyeball hand job.

Radio Shack Is Now "The Shack"... What In The Hell Is Going On With This World?!

First, Pizza Hut pulls a half-ass name change, going from "Pizza Hut" to "The Hut..." and now THIS!

Radio Shack is now calling itself — get this — "The Shack!"

The Hut. The Shack. I guess these are places you can visit if you want to get out of the rain.

I have no degree in marketing (although I did take a couple of classes), and I am by no means a branding expert but Oh. My. God. What in the F is going on with this s#%@?!

I Googled "the shack" and guess what images came up? NOT ONE SINGLE RADIO SHACK-RELATED IMAGE, THAT'S WHAT!! Here are the images that DID come up:






Pretty much anything OTHER than things relating to (the corporation soon to be formerly known as) Radio Shack.

So that tells me the people in charge of orchestrating this bizarre "Shackening" of Radio Shack are either slow or stupid. If you're going to re-launch your corporate identity, don't ya think you might want to shore-up the Internet a little better?

Can you tell I'm pissed?

I understand that "radios" are not popular like they used to be. Fine, I got it. But calling your company "The Shack?" How lame!

Am I being cantankerous in my old age or do you agree with me that these recent name changes are simply moronic? I'd love to hear what you have to say...