Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Overheard In New York

They say you don't have to look very far in order to find something funny in life, and I would agree. Overheard in New York lets people post the things they overhear while out and about in public places; on the bus, in a restaurant, at work, anywhere. Most of the things overheard are extremely random and that's exactly what makes them so funny. Here are some of my favorites.

Young black man with suitcase: I just want you all to know that I am getting on the train with a suspicious package.
Older black man, not looking up from his newspaper: Nigga, that is the stupidest thing you could have said.

- Downtown train

Upper-East-Side lady on cell phone: I know, but I was at a funeral all day...Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn't know him at all...This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They're the same ages as--Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can't even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I'm getting it in blue.
- Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd

Chick, screaming into cell phone: What a bitch! I swear, it's getting harder and harder to f#*k your co-worker and get away without people finding out!

Mother: Don't you ever do that again! (slaps child hard)
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?
- Union Square

Friendly guy to two cute girls speaking French: Hi, where are you girls from?
Girl #1: We are from Switzerland.
Friendly guy: Oh, so you speak Swedish?
Girl #1: No, we speak French.
Friendly guy, slowly: So then, you come from France?
Girl #2: No, we come from the French-speaking part of Switzerland.
Friendly guy, confused: Oh, okay. So uh, how long did it take you to drive here?
- Burger King, W 42nd St

Train conductor: This is Dyckman Street.
Rotten teenager (somehow getting on loudspeaker): Dyckman Street, yo! Suck my motherf#*kin' dick!
(passengers are bewildered)
Train conductor, on next stop
: This is 207th Street. Sorry, that was some kid in the back of the train, not me.

- 1 Train

Realist on cell phone: Well you can't expect every guy you sleep with to call you back.
- 53rd & 6th

Dude with headphones on: How the f**k did Britney Spears get on my iPod?
- 13th St & 6th Ave

Man on phone: Right. Right. Wait, what? (in shock) He don't got a gun? Well, he has to have a gun! What kinda game do you think this is?
- J Train

Little girl: Christmas is next!
Mother: No, first is Halloween, then Thanksgiving, and then Christmas.
Little girl: And then we die!
- Tea Lounge, Park Slope

Coworker #1: So what've you been up to?
Coworker #2: The usual. Just whacked off.
Coworker #1: Dude, you're on speakerphone.
- Office, Midtown

Hyper JAP: So then I was like, "Hey, you can't just sleep with me in your mom's house and then leave, because I don't even know your mom and I don't care if she's away."
Bored JAP: Right...
Hyper JAP: I blame Sex and the City for this.
Guy sitting nearby: Hey, blame it on you being a slut! Damn.
- Starbucks, 38 Park Row

Man: I just don't get it! Just last night you were complaining about how you never try anything new, but you feel like you should.
Woman: Okay, well ordering the roast duck is a little different than a threesome, Tim.
- 13th & 3rd

Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn't working out. I guess I'm not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I'm a hairdresser. How original. Just because I'm a hairdresser you think I'm gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you f#*king Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.
- 9th & Broadway

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