Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Alex Kozhanov

So how amazing is this guy? Alex Kozhanov was a concept designer for Prometheus and, reportedly, also for Alien Covenant. Check out his Giger-inspired style, it's absolutely stunning.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Alien Covenant: Sooner Than Expected (Also My Prometheus Rant, Sorry, It Was A Long Time Coming)

Sir Ridley's follow-up to Prometheus just got an awesome release date bump.  Originally slated for August 2017, the movie is now scheduled to hit on May 19, 2017.

Official Alien Covenant plot synopsis:
Ridley Scott returns to the universe he created in ALIEN with ALIEN: COVENANT, the second chapter in a prequel trilogy that began with PROMETHEUS -- and connects directly to Scott’s 1979 seminal work of science fiction. Bound for a remote planet on the far side of the galaxy, the crew of the colony ship Covenant discovers what they think is an uncharted paradise, but is actually a dark, dangerous world -- whose sole inhabitant is the "synthetic" David (Michael Fassbender), survivor of the doomed Prometheus expedition.

Alien Covenant Cast:
Michael Fassbender
Noomi Rapace (yes, she's actually in the film, as it turns out)
Katherine Waterston
Billy Crudup
Jussie Smollett
Amy Seimetz
Carmen Ejogo
Callie Hernandez
Alex England
Danny McBride
Demian Bichir

I should point out that although Covenant is being directed by The Man Himself, the jury is still out on a few things with regard to this prequel sequel.

< Beginning of Rant >

First, and let's be honest here, although there's no denying Prometheus as a thing of beauty and (dare I say it) downright epic at times, at the end of the day the film was a train wreck. Dull characters and extremely odd behavior on the part of several of those characters — coupled with some seriously WTF elements made a lot of people, this Alien junkie included, question whether or not the film should ever have been made in the first place.

Yes. Lots of stupid shit was going on in Prometheus, no doubt — but just in case you need a recap, well, here are some of the highlights:

• Black goo that does pretty much a million different things, creating more confusion than anything else

• Absolutely terrible, damn near laughable makeup effects for Weyland

• Retarded-looking blue alien jester creature thing at the end, complete with a set of dentures — a thing which 20th Century Fox forced Ridley to cram into the film after seeing a rough cut — solely in order to appease "the fans" who "definitely need to see more alien"

• Stupid-looking alien squid thing

• Every intriguing question asked is met with yet another question... and then another. And we get no answers. Ever. Okay, maybe one or two.  But even those answers come across as vague or guesswork on the part of the characters. For example, near the end of the movie Captain Janek states that he "knows" what the black goo vases are all about, with no actual evidence to back it up. HUH??!! David Lindelof and Ridley Scott forgot one of the cardinal rules of filmmaking: SHOW me, don't TELL me. Provide proof for the viewer without making them feel spoon-fed through dialog... in this case, it's even worse... it's baseless dialog!

• Giant, wax-coated albino guys who press hard-boiled egg buttons, play flutes and transform themselves to quickly and conveniently fill in the "Who Is The Space Jockey?" blank, in what must surely go down as one of the most embarrassingly disappointing events ever to take place within the Alien film franchise

I mean, of all the damage done, I think the space jockey suit thing frustrates me the most. In the 1979 film Alien, we all clearly see that the space jockey's bones have grafted themselves onto the surface of the pilot's contraption/chair. Dallas * himself * confirms this.

Dallas Quote #1:
"Alien life form... looks like it's been dead a long time. Fossilized. Looks like it's growing out of the chair."

Dallas Quote #2:
"Bones are bent outward, like he exploded from inside."

And in case we needed any more proof, here's a god damned picture:

Do those not look like bones to you?


Two words: Wasted. Opportunity.

• Lastly, and this is the big one, right here... trained professionals who journey billions, if not trillions of miles into space — only to do very few things we would ever expect them to do when faced with this opportunity of a lifetime. These people venture into the unknown and discover all of these amazing things... the alien bodies, the mysterious black goo vases, the giant human head statue, morphing ceilings, terraforming technology, crazy-ass buttons and secret doors... just the whole eerie, fascinating environment itself... they see all of these things only to act like hipster f*cking sad sacks who didn't get what they wanted for Christmas, or that it wasn't gluten-free or some shit... because they didn't get to "meet the creator" or whatever it was they expected to come into contact with.

For Christ's sake — they're seeing all these insanely jaw-dropping sights and barely emote with any sort of child-like amazement! In fact, I'd go as far as to say that I think David acted more human than the humans! He was in awe of everything going on in that map room. The others? They see strange video footage of aliens running through the tunnels, they see piles of dead alien carcasses... and then act like they'd rather watch reruns of Sanford & Son. And don't even get me started on the two guys in the tunnels who had more in common with Shaggy and Scooby Doo than actual experts in their fields. A trained biologist encounters alien life for the first time ever, in the form of an obviously aggressive, hissing alien snake, and what's the first thing he decides to do? He tries to pet the thing! HE TRIES TO PET THE F*CKING HISSING ALIEN SNAKE!! Yeah, hey, let's do that!!

As much as I'm looking forward to Covenant, there's a part of me that still feels very much burned by Prometheus. A lot of fingers can — and SHOULD — point to David Linedlof but the bottom line is, Ridley Scott himself signed off on the entire thing so the buck starts and stops right there in my opinion. Now comes Covenant. Will it add to the confusion of Prometheus? Will it provide any acceptable answers to the questions posed in that film? Are we going to get the thought-provoking 2001-type film we were promised the first time — or will Covenant be just another watered-down action movie cash grab ordered by the suits at Fox?

Look at the teaser poster. "Run." Doesn't exactly come across as high-concept, now does it? Compared to the tagline of Prometheus ("The search for our beginning could lead to our end") this seems like a real step backward in terms of sophistication and it concerns me. We were promised the next installment of an epic, meaningful saga here — not Aliens Part II. Don't get me wrong, I loves me some Aliens as much as the next sci-fi nerd (one of the best film sequels ever made IMO) but we were on a trajectory course for something bigger than running from more xenomorphs. I want action, great action the likes of which we got from James Cameron, but Ridley can't expect people to forget the shit he started in Prometheus. God, I hope that's not what he's doing. Prometheus: "We must seek out answers... the meaning of life... my god, what does it all mean?" Alien Covenant: "The meaning of life? F*ck it, bitch! Run!" Historically, Even though he's had a fantastic career in film, with enormous creative control over his projects — a very good thing, of course — the fact of the matter is, even the mighty Ridley Scott has had to succumb to studio pressure at times (see retarded alien jester above.) Covenant is certainly a chance for man and creator to redeem himself. We can only hope for the best.

< End of Rant >

< For Now >

Monday, November 28, 2016

Four Years

Hard to believe I have not posted since late 2012. Many things in my life have changed since that time, some for the better and some not so much. "President-Elect Trump?" Holy f*cking hell, whaaa?

In any case, I've been thinking about getting back into this blog thing again even if it may not be as frequent as in the past.

Oh and this. LOL

I guess "Xenophobia" is's 2016 Word of the Year. How can they cut the power??!! They're animals, man!!!!

If you are actually reading this, thank you. You are one of a handful of people to ever come here.  LOL Actually, I wouldn't blame anyone for not coming here, it's been dead for years. Four freaking years.

Seriously though, I do hope to be back soon with more meaningless gobble-dee-gook. Stay tuned!