Friday, May 29, 2009

The Door Test: Humanity WIN or FAIL?

Throughout the years I've adopted a sort of "litmus test for humanity." It's a little odd but I feel it's a legitimate gauge for judging the humanity in others. No one knows this of me, but I use this test several times a week. I call it "The Door Test."

There are two "door"-related scenarios you can apply to determine the outlying humanitarianism of an individual. Pretty basic shit.

First, the "Door Holding" scenario. How many times have you walked up to the doors of a building -- maybe your place of employment or your apartment building -- and had a door swung in your face? Let's say there are only 2-6 feet between you and the person in front of you. I think that is a totally safe buffer zone where you should expect the person in front of you to hold the door. I mean, it would take only a second of two for them to do it. Some people don't do this. Some people never do this. It's not because they don't see you... no, even if you know they sense you are behind them -- even if you cough or jingle your keys or slide your shoe against the ground to make a noise -- they still let go of the door only to have it swing shut in your face. These people are ass-holes.

Second, there is the "I Open Door, You Say Thank You" scenario. Any time you hold a door open for someone and they do not say thank you, they are an ass-hole. All they have to do is say it. They can even mumble it if that makes it less strenuous. Now, if you go through multiple sets of doors (as I do at work), the person does NOT have to say thank you at every door opened for them. No, they only have to say thank you for every three doors held for them. This, to me, seems like a reasonable door-hold-to-thank-you ratio. If I walk through seven doors and hold all of them for someone, then they owe me two thank you's total.

So generally speaking, yeah, this is how I have arrived at judging the humanity in others. Everyone has their own little secret thoughts. Everyone judges people, even if they say they do not. If someone says they never judge others, they are a flat-out liar.

The way I see it, if a person cannot hold a door for someone or say thank you when one is held for them, then they are fair game for me to judge them. And my judgment is that they are probably inconsiderate in other aspects of life. Here are some examples:

• They would probably not be trusted to baby sit my kids
• They would probably not "have my back" if a fight broke out (rather, they would run)
• They would probably not offer to help clean up after a party
• They would probably not offer to help me move large pieces of furniture

Those are just a few examples. But they are important.

Saying thank you and holding a door are two things which should come as basic, gutteral morsels of consideration. And they take very little effort.

The bottom line is, if you can't take two seconds out of your "busy day" to use basic manners that they teach you in daycare, then to me, you have failed the litmus test for humanity.

Alien Prequel Or Remake Reportedly In The Works

omfg no.

Please... tell me... how do you feel about this?

Home-Made Shark Hat

Some woman made this for her kid and then posted a picture on a message board. Isn't it awesome?

Mego Star Trek Toy Commercials From The 70's

Notice that most of these have a spooky-ass LSD-induced chant happening in the background. I remember that shit scaring me as a kid. I actually had the Enterprise playset. Good times...

Communications Console

U.S.S. Enterprise Playset


Phaser Battle

Phaser Game

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Man Drives Through City Hall (Yakkity Sax Remix)

I knew there had to be a Benny Hill mix somewhere!

Crazy Japanese Game Show: "What Can We Do To Your Butt Hole?"

Those wacky Japanese are at it again; this time with a game show called What Can We Do To Your Butt Hole? Let's just say it's a bit different than Let's Make A Deal.

EMBED-Crazy Asians and their game shows - Watch more free videos

Man Drives Through City Hall (Blues Brothers Remix)

Personally I would have gone with the Benny Hill theme song...

Shatner Eats Pudding

This is just messed up, man.

Thanks to Ben for sending!

Who Has The Biggest Boobs In The World?

The answer may tie into the meaning of life.

Gentlemen, meet "Maxi Mounds..."

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Man Drives Through City Hall... Literally

From "The Wichita Eagle":

The man who drove his car through City Hall last year was sentenced Wednesday to more than 10 years in prison.

Marcus Johnson, 33, faces 122 months of incarceration after crashing through a set of glass doors at City Hall in January 2008 and continuing through the building before slamming into the west wall of the parking garage.

His sentence includes time for convictions of criminal damage to property and two counts of criminal threats linked to the crash into City Hall, and one count of battery of a law enforcement officer later at the Sedgwick County Jail .

Authorities said Johnson became angered when a police officer told him to turn down the music in his car while he was parked at a south Wichita convenience store early on the morning of Jan. 7, 2008.

Johnson drove downtown, turned onto Main and then drove up a ramp into City Hall at an estimated 45 miles an hour.

The incident caused about $200,000 in damage and prompted the installation of temporary traffic barriers around the perimeter of the building grounds.

Permanent security measures for the grounds are scheduled to be implemented later this year.

All I know is, what an awesome driver that guy is!

"I Want To Buy a DooVDe Player!"

That Jerboa Is One Crazy S.O.B.

Does anyone know what music this is...? Sounds like it could be from an old video game, maybe TurboGrafx CD...?

Star Trek Commercials

Now granted, the Direct TV commercial most of us have seen, but the others are totally new to me...

Lego Movie Posters

Lego builders are just nuts.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Lego Video Games

I know, I know... this is really old. But I wanted to post it on my blog for posterity.

Tomorrow: Lego movie posters!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Star Trek: Beam Me Up, Hottie

I know. Enough with the Star Trek already, right? Sorry but this one I canna ignore!

Gerry Anderson's UFO Slated To Become Movie

Gerry Anderson, best known for his Thunderbirds and Space: 1999 tv series, did a tv show over in the U.K. back in 1970 called UFO. About three years ago when HD channels were just starting to dazzle my brain, I recall watching some episodes of UFO in high-def. I can safely say that the show is largely forgettable, with a few interesting ideas thrown in. Maybe you had to be a kid growing up in the U.K. to really love it, I don't know. All I know is, this was a sci-fi show made in 1970 and it depicted a 1980 world battling aliens and all sorts of crazy shit. Pretty far-fetched!

Now Variety is reporting that UFO is slated to become the latest victim of retro recyclables. Check out this clip... it's the intro from the show. I have to admit the music is very catchy. Makes me horny! Groovy, baby, yeahh!


This would be the best movie ever!

Friday FAILS

RunPee Gives You The Best Times To Go Pee At The Movies

God love the Internet. Otherwise we wouldn't have important stuff like this to incorporate into our lives.

Are you going to see Terminator: Salvation but don't want to miss the good parts when you have to take a leak? RunPee will provide you with a breakdown of optimum times for that. Here's their official site.

My Wrath Of Khan Quiz

Bored? Take my Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan quiz. I kinda busted my ass writing it. Well not really, but I'm hoping to guilt-trip you into taking it. Anyway, there are 16 questions so it shouldn't take you longer than a few minutes. Jot your answers down and see what kind of Trek fan you really are. Honest answers... no search engine cheating!

1) How many fictional years passed between the events depicted in the Trek TOS episode "Space Seed" and the film Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan?
a) 5
b) 10
c) 15
d) 20

2) Kirk took the Kobayashi Maru test how many times before he passed?
a) once
b) twice
c) three times
d) never finished

3) How many crew members does the Kobayashi Maru have on board?
a) 408
b) 81
c) 112
d) 7

4) How many of those metallic cylinders did Khan turn on the Genesis device to initiate countdown to detonation?
a) 2
b) 3
c) 4
d) 5

5) True or false: Ricardo Montalban's muscular chest was a prosthetic piece.
a) true
b) false

6) What was Reliant's prefix code?
a) 16309
b) 13609
c) 33906
d) 19603

7) What planet was Khan banished to?
a) Ceti Alpha V
b) Ceti Alpha VI
c) Ceti Delta VI
d) Delta Vega

8) Which actress played Dr. Carol Marcus?
a) Bo Derek
b) Cathy Lee Crosby
c) Kirstie Alley
d) Bibi Besch

9) Finish this sentence:
"Scotty, I need warp speed in three minutes or ______________!"

10) Stage 2 of "Project Genesis" involved what?
a) underground testing
b) testing on a moon or dead planet
c) lab testing
d) testing on Uranus

11) True or false: Joachim, Khan's chief lieutenant, was also Khan's son.
a) true
b) false

12) When Spock told Kirk that restoration of auxiliary power was possible in two days what did he really mean?
a) two weeks
b) two minutes
c) three days
d) two hours

13) True or false: For his death scene, Leonard Nimoy wanted his character to be drenched in green "blood" but the idea was nixed

14) What flashed on a small view-screen once Spock got the mains back online?
d) A nude picture of Scarlett Johansson

15) Who directed Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan?
a) Leonard Nimoy
b) Robert Wise
c) Nicholas Meyer
d) Harve Bennett

16) True or false: When Kirk races to the engine room to see Spock dying behind the glass partition, the script originally called for Dr. McCoy to yell, "He's dead, Jim!" but DeForest Kelley did not feel comfortable with the line so it was changed.

Okay, here's the deal. Give yourself one point for every correct answer and add up the total. Here are the correct answers:
1) c - 15 years
2) c - three times
3) b - 81
4) c - four cylinders
5) b - false
6) a - 16309
7) a - Ceti Alpha V
8) d - Bibi Besch
9) "we're all dead"
10) a - underground testing
11) b - false
12) d - two hours
13) b - false (it was the opposite; the script indicated green blood but Nimoy was against it)
14) d - NOMINAL
15) c - Nicholas Meyer
16) a - true, DeForest asked for the line to be changed and ended up saying, "No! You'll flood the whole compartment!", leaving Scotty to yell "He's dead already!"

0 - 6: You suck more than a salt vampire

7 - 9: Maybe You Should Be Banished to Ceti Alpha V

10 - 12: An Orion Sex Slave Might Want to Bang You

13 - 15: Gene Roddenberry Would Be Very Proud

All 16: Fuck, You Need to Get Out More

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Armin Van Buuren DJ Video Game In The Works

Kotaku is reporting that world-renowned DJ Armin Van Buuren has signed a deal to produce a DJ video game. Whether the game will be compatible with Activision's DJ Hero controller or the Scratch controller is not known.

Interesting to note that Van Buuren's weekly satellite radio show, A State Of Trance (something I used to tune-in religiously back when I had Sirius) is the number-one listened to radio show in the world, with nearly 30 million listeners.

Van Buuren's live show is an awesome spectacle -- here he is working one of my favorite mixes of all time.

In any case, it's gonna be interesting to see if the market can support all these DJ games when they release later this year... Guitar games are one thing... I mean, who doesn't want to be a rock star... but DJ games? What do you think -- are you buying?

Lean Times: William Shatner's Long Lost Loblaws Grocery Store Commercial


I was trying to come up with some Shatner Promise margarine footage when BAM! -- up comes an awesome alternative. Check this out:

Sometime after Star Trek TOS but before TJ Hooker, The Shat was doing whatever he had to in order to scratch a living. Hell, he was living out of a pickup truck with his dog after TOS was canceled, which is crazy when you think about it. Then syndication came into play and the rest is history.

Apparently Terminator Salvation Sucks

At least that's what a lot of the critics are saying right now.

Shatner On Match Game

Somewhere between his Promise margarine tv commercials and drama series TJ Hooker, William Shatner made several guest star appearances on Match Game.

I tried searching for Shatner Match Game clips on YouTube but came up short, so a pic will have to suffice.

If you find anyShatner-specific Match Game footage -- or better yet, a Shatner Promise margarine vid -- leave it in the comments below and I will post.

WTF Trek

Just tripped over this pic during a Google search. I always thought this was messed up. It's a shot taken from the Star Trek episode What Are Little Girls Made Of? Obviously no one caught on to the fact that the styrofoam prop Kirk is holding -- a stalagtite -- is shaped like a giant pink dildo. Seriously, how could they have missed that? Bizarre.

William Shatner And Gene Simmons Are Both A-Holes

I really believe this. William Shatner and Gene Simmons act in pretty much the same manner and have been doing so for decades. Both men are idolized by millions and they're experts at marketing themselves to become filthy rich. But that alone does not make them a-holes.

I have watched and listened to both of these guys for years and have been appalled by their attitudes. Here is a list of characteristics/personality traits which I think they both share:

• Self-absorbed
• Arrogant
• Rude
• Defiant
• Often speak poorly of others
• Greedy

Over the years, particularly during my youth, Shatner and Simmons have each contributed many great moments to my life. I used to be a huge KISS fan -- I bought every album, every poster and button, etc -- until one day after graduating from high school I realized that KISS was approximately 10% music and 90% gimmick. And then I started listening to Simmons talk. About himself, primarily. Ugh.

Shatner is another story. I still think Trek TOS is one the greatest fictional works ever put together. Kirk was probably the biggest hero I had growing up. And to this day I still love what he did with the character. I bought the movies and the tchochkies and yes, even a few of Shatner's books. But in reality when I stop and think about it... Shatner is every bit as self-serving and arrogant as Simmons is, if not more. Nearly every time I've listened to him, whether on Howard Stern or as a host of some documentary or whatever... Shatner just comes off as a person who could not care less about the fans who made him who he is. Just... so full of himself. I've never met the man but I have heard and read plenty of things to form a personal opinion.

It's kind of sad to see two of my childhood heroes for who they really are. Does anyone agree with me?

The First DJ Battle In The World

"Lying to Your Girlfriend" Flow Chart

Thanks to Holy Taco for this flow chart. (click image for larger view)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Half-Naked Girls Who Take Pictures Of Themselves In Mirrors

And hey, who doesn't like to see that?

Thanks to The Chive

More Info On Activision's Upcoming DJ Hero

Check it out!

Muscle March Is... Weird.

This is one of the most bizarre video games I've ever seen. It's a Wii game called Muscle Koushinkyoku (Muscle March). Its main focus is on muscle guys running through buildings. Oh, and there's a sheep. And a polar bear. As they say... only in Japan.

Namco is scheduled to release the game on the WiiWare Channel in Japan on May 26th at a cost of 800 Wii Points. Don't hold your breath for a U.S. release.

Play Him Off, Keyboard Cat

Random silliness!

Jet Pack Dude Races A 300hp Sports Car

This is a trip.

Star Trek Quiz In The Works

How well do you think you know your Trek? I'm putting together a quiz based on The Wrath Of Khan, which I hope to post by Friday. Stay tuned...

"He poot... klee-chores... in our bo-deez..."

Handjobs For The Future

Here's a spoof based on Terminator and it's damn funny. I guess the dude really isn't coming to help mankind, he just wants a handjob.

By the way, no nudity here but lots of sexual verbage so it's probably NSFW

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Original Hamster Dance

Did you know that The Hamster Dance was originally music in a Disney cartoon... from way-yyy back in the day?

Check it out for yourself:

Movie Trailers: How Far We've Come

Here's a sobering reminder of just how far we have come with regard to movie trailers. Witness the 1979 preview for Star Trek: The Motion Picture (or as I like to call it, "The Motionless Picture"), narrarated by Orson Welles:

And compare it to the new Trek trailer:

Talk about progress!

The Japanese Chastity Bra

Those Japanese girls are being wacky again! Say hello to...

the Chastity Bra!

So WTF does this mean, right? According to the source, Japanese women have become more and more aggressive over the years when it comes to getting married. This bra was created to put spouses on the marital clock before they can see those ta-tas.

If an engagement ring is inserted into the special slot, the countdown stops and The Wedding March is played. The bra even has storage for the marriage contract and a pen for pre-nups.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Guess Who's Gonna Be Thor...?

From Deadline Hollywood Daily...

Abrams Not Ruling Out Any Star Trek Sequel Idea... Including Khan

No. Nooooo.

According to an interview conducted with MTV, JJ Abrams has stated that he is open to anything for a Star Trek sequel... including the return of Khan, or even a Shatner appearance!

"I wouldn't rule out anything. The point of creating this independent timeline is to not have the restrictions we had coming into this one. And one of those restrictions was that Kirk was dead," said Abrams.

There's more where that came from at the above link.

In the meantime, you have to love the comments being posted on io9 (awesome site, btw) regarding a potential sequel. Here are some of my favorites:
I see no need for a Shatner cameo. He already got a big send-off in THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY and GENERATIONS. Enough is enough. Give the new cast a chance to make the series their own. You don't see Sean Connery popping up in the new Bond movies.

I still don't understand the logic in going to all the trouble of doing the timeline reboot only to clutter it with everything from the original storylines. Khan either needs to wait it out for a good long time or simply be left in the past - a gem of cinematic villainy to remain untouched.

... those who don't learn from the mistakes made in the alternate timeline are doomed to make them for the first time in their own... so if altspock is feeling a little more cavalier about mucking with timelines, TOS should only be useful for a few anecdotal punchlines. think of it: enterprise comes up on a submarine floating in space, checks against altspock's notes. "ooh, bad idea. let's just blow that f**ker into dust." torpedos away, life goes on.

Why, why, WHY would they rehash something that stands fine on its own merits instead of creating something new and exciting? Oh, right. It is teh Hollywood.

Kahn was a great movie -- in 1982. In 2009? It doesn't hold up that well, laughable in places, overly melodramatic in others. That Mr. Roarke guy is still good, even without the midget. RIP, Ricardo.

Trying to remake Khan would be an incredibly dumb idea I think - way too many people consider that one like the Holy Grail of Trek movies. Abrams could make the perfect movie and it would still get trashed because it's not the original. Besides, the current crew is young - let them have their own adventures! There's gotta be a million different things for them to do without rehashing old stuff.


And my absolute favorite comment:
Fans, you bloodsuckers. You're going to have to write your own dirty Kirk/Khan slash now, do you hear me? You're going to have! To Write! Your! Own!

LOL. Personally I believe the writers now have an opportunity for new ideas. They have an alternate time-line now so why rehash an existing plot line when the sky's the limit? It just doesn't seem to make any sense. These guys -- Abrams, Orci, and the rest -- need to stop pandering to the old school fans (myself included) and get some truly original, exciting material established. If it's good, it's good... and EVERYONE will love it. Well at least most people will.

Oh, and don't forget to explore new worlds. Give us a sense of wonder. Not just 170 mph action and space debris.

What do you guys think? Comments?

Guy Makes Old Trek Look Like New Trek


Star Trek Communicator VOIP Phone

This Trek TOS communicator is an exact replica of the original stage prop -- and it's actually a USB VOIP phone. Plug it into USB 2.0 and enjoy Instant Messaging via Skype, MSN Messenger, AIM or iChat.

The communicator has authentic sound effects and it's compatible with Windows XP, Vista plus Mac OS X 10.5.

What I wanna know is this: when the f@#k is someone gonna manufacture a real, working cell phone that looks like this...?

Spider-Man Shows Up To Impress The Kids, FAILS

Plus, a cat plays a keyboard at the end! How can you beat that?

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Pizza The Hut

I can't believe I didn't think of this the other day during my rant about Pizza Hut's identity crisis. Remember this classic?

Maybe Pizza the Hut should be Pizza Hut's new mascot.

"Who's Hungry?"

I rarely post cartoon-related content on this blog but once in a while I make an exception.

A student at CalArts -- freshman David Ochs -- created this short film called "Who's Hungry?" The five-minute piece centers around two little kids who get taken by an evil ice cream man. It's a little twisted (okay, it's a lot twisted) but it's not overly morbid IMO. Check it out, and keep in mind it was done by a freshman at art school! I am so not worthy.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Gorilla Gettin' His Game On

Because this is weird, man.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Tianna Ta Video

Two of 'em, in fact. Gotta love Tianna Ta's Ta-Tas.