Thursday, April 30, 2009

Vacation Pics: Costa Rica And Panama

The final salvo of vacation pics, if you're still awake. Heh

First, Costa Rica.

This was a cool little outdoor restaurant where we sampled some native dishes. The food took forever to come out. I think they may have been killing chickens in the back and that does take a while.

These dudes were the entertainment. I think they were there to distract us from the sounds of chickens being killed in the back room. They played a conga drum and a really old guitar that had like two strings on it. They sounded good though. The one dude was all crazy, singin' about bananas and shit. And heck, why not -- what else was he gonna sing about.

An awesome view of the beach. The waves were about 3-4 feet. We took turns riding a boogie board. The water was crystal clear.

The sign says "Drugs & Deli." Weird combination, huh? We didn't go in there.

This is me, goofing around, wearing one of those Mexican wrestler masks. "Eye hereby pronounce myself as... El Mucho Man-Spider!! Eye so see-lee!"

And now for Panama. Put it this way... it isn't like the Van Halen song.

This is downtown Panama. It's scary.

Panama is a very poor place. Carnival cruise lines should discontinue this stop because it was about as pleasant as a poopie-flavored lollie pop.* Some dirty old hag walked up to us with a spider monkey. It sat on my son Tommy's shoulders. Doesn't it look evil? Damn thing put me on edge. In case it went apeshit on us, I was secretly preparing to stab it with my sunglasses. It was the only thing I could even hope to fashion into a weapon.

Sure, you've heard of the Wii, but have you ever witnessed the magic of... the Mi?! This was in a grocery store in Panama near the dock. This impressive-looking imitation was nothing more than one of those cheap, flimsy, 10-games-in-one units. I think they were selling them for $40. Who knows what was actually in those boxes... maybe a bag of dirt if you're lucky. Or a spider monkey carcass. Who knows.

The drive home...

Here's a funny pic. It's a gas pump at a stop on our drive home from Florida. I just think it takes a lot of balls to call your business El Cheapo. Either that or the owners are just dumb shits.

* Shameless Dodge Ball quote, sorry.

The Allegiance of Heroes

Be honest. Haven't you ever, even once, fantasized about being a vigilante? Maybe your car was broken into. Maybe some asshole was threatening you with physical violence. And maybe after it was over, you thought to yourself, "I wish there were real superheroes watching over us so they could take out these criminal shit-heads." I know that thought crossed my mind one night when I was taking the train into Manhattan. I kept thinking about Bernhard Goetz (pronounced "gets") and what he did way back in 1984. Goetz played out Bronson's Deathwish on a subway train -- for real -- by pulling out a gun and shooting four thugs when he felt his life being threatened.

Okay, so what do we have here, you ask? Well, apparently -- and I had no idea this shit was going on -- but apparently, there are people in this country who have taken on costumed identities, only to walk the streets and help stop crime. They are called The Allegiance of Heroes. They even have a dedicated website. Granted, it's a pretty crappy website but I digress. (damn, they can fight crime but they can't design a website to save their lives.)

Check out this video clip from CNN:

So many things are wrong with this concept. First, each one of these guys look about as intimidating as Richard Simmons. Second, they don't really have super powers and they can't run faster than a speeding bullet, so it's only a matter of time before some dude clobbers one of these guys in the head with a lead pipe. And third... well, I don't really have a third.

Okay, I really need to know what you think of this concept since I know you're going to dish out some comedy gold. COMMENTS, PLEASE!

Batman Water Gun FAIL

My 14 year-old son Doug found this on Youtube earlier today. Yes, he has the same sense of humor I do.

"Star Trek" Hollywood Premiere, Tonight At Grauman's Chinese Theatre

They're setting it up right now and you can watch it all unfold as it happens tonight!

Three different web cams have been positioned for this long-awaited event. Click here for the live feed!

And here's more info regarding the event, as well as who may be appearing.

Oh, and let me know what you think!

New Lost Planet 2 Footage: Boss Battle

Thanks to 1Up

Official Dead Rising 2 Trailer Hits!

Finally, we get a proper game trailer. Can't wait for this one. I just love the sense of humor in this series.

I also love the following things about this trailer:
• The use of death metal in contrast to dinner music
• The use of a moose head
• Ability to relax and enjoy a stiff drink
• The use of chainsaws and a motorcycle

Other things too, but those things really get me going.

So! What do YOU think...?

Thanks to 1Up

Footage Of Virtual On: Oratorio Tangram HD

For all you 360 owners who happen to be Virtual On fans: Here's some gameplay footage from Sega's upcoming HD re-release of Virtual On: Oratorio Tangram.

Thanks to 1Up

Grand Theft Auto Pirate Packaging FAIL

Heh. Gotta love them pirates.

Thanks to Kotaku for the pic

Batman Is Broke

Thanks to Funny Or Die

Anyone Remember Battle Beyond The Stars?

Damn this was a horrible sci-fi movie. I remember seeing it in the theater when I was young. It has an awful plot and terrible acting. Oh, and Richard Thomas (a.k.a. John Boy) is in it. So are Robert Vaughn, George Peppard and John Saxon. An all-star cast of has-beens!

To make matters worse, Battle Beyond the Stars recycles sound effects and even scenes from other movies. The director must have had all of twenty-six dollars to work with.

The only redeeming element in the entire movie -- and I remember being very excited by this as a kid -- was the huge-breasted valkyrie-like woman who laid on her back as she flew around in her spaceship throughout the film. You can catch a glimpse of her at 0:16. She was all like straddling the controls and stuff, I remember that much. And her boobs, I remember those. Did I mention she had giant boobs? Even the spaceship looked like it had boobs, if I recall. I think it's zooming around in this clip.

Oh, and check out 1:08 -- those dudes look familiar? Like maybe................ The VocaPeople?!!

I told you I was on a mission.

Carry on.

Vacation Pics: Cozumel

Here is Cozumel, our first stop:

Sweet ass sweet. That hut in the background was bitchin' too... it housed a huge bar and featured a Macbook on every corner. Free Internet too. That's where I sat down to post a quick one on my blog.

Beautiful creatures were everywhere on the beach.
This parrot was pretty cool too.

The tiki bar, where you could get a giant-sized
island drink for seven bucks.
Or you could order a bucket of Dos Equis on ice for $15

So I did.

Later tonight: Costa Rica and Panama

Pontiac Was Doomed #2: Fit And Finish Courtesy Of Gomer Pyle

A little more than a year ago, while my Type-S was being repaired, I was given a 2007 Pontiac G6 as a rental. It looked exactly like the one pictured above except with a black paint job. A little bland, but not a bad looking car!

The odometer read a mere 500 miles on it -- I had me a shiny new car for one whole week! I thought to myself, "Cool, I haven't driven a Pontiac in a long time, I bet this new G6 is pretty sweet!"

So the first night I rented it, I pulled it into my garage and did a walk around to check it out. I checked out the features, kicked the tires, etc. I also noticed fluctuations along the seams where the body panels weren't quite even (referred to as "fit and finish"). To me, the fit and finish looked like someone at the plant forgot to finish staying awake when they were assembling the damn thing.

It gets better.

I went to check under the hood. I wanted to see the V6. I popped the hood and -- surprise, surprise! -- the hood was plastic! PLASTIC!!

And then, one morning -- almost as if the Import Gods were trying to steer me away from ever touching this domestic dungheap again -- I open the rear driver's side door to put my four year-old in to take him to daycare, and the door handle falls off. THE DOOR HANDLE FALLS OFF!! OMFG I'M NOT LYING BITCH!!

No, it doesn't stop there. During my final day of rental, I was heading home from work. At one point, for no apparent reason, the plate around the shift knob just came loose. It just popped loose as I was driving and flailed around like a flattened plastic turd as I made my way down the merry highway.

Again, this car had less than a thousand miles on the odometer.

So goes my experience with the Pontiac G6. I've heard several horror stories of lazy factory workers fucking-up cars at The Big Three auto plants, but good god on a toasted wheat bun -- what the hell was GM thinking? Who were they paying to assemble its cars -- a bunch of drunken sailors?!

Maybe this dude helped build my rental car

I could not wait to get my Type-S back.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

VocaPeople Must... Be... Stopped.

If you've never heard of them before, well. Here you go.

VocaPeople make the Village People look like Harvard graduates.

No. Worse than that. VocaPeople is the yeast infection from those dudes in Blue Man Group.

VocaPeople must be stopped. That's just simple logic. We'll call it "Rule #1"

Someone needs to just start throwing lawn chairs at them or something. That would probably be enough to kill them.

Okay, granted, VocaPeople are capable of some clever harmonic trickery to be sure. I'll give you that. But other than that, see rule #1 above.

I need your opinion. How do we rid them from this earth? Comments! Please, I am on a mission here.

WTF Picture

"DAME! That is some baaaaaaad SHIT!"

Thanks to Picture Is Unrelated

Megan Fox Wearing A Ridiculously Tight Corset On The Set Of Jonah Hex

As filming continues on the set of the DC Comics-inspired film Jonah Hex, Megan Fox must be limiting her daily food intake to one or two Chicklets, tops. Look at that corset!

Thanks to Film Drunk

Three New Terminator: Salvation TV Spots

This movie is looking more and more kick-ass by the day, don'tcha think?

Lingerie Football League Spring Scouting Report

You want fun, you got it. Last week, there were mini camps set up for Lingerie Football League tryouts. Here's a link to the story. To be honest, it's not much of a story but I figured you might wanna check out photos of the "talent."

I wonder if they get extra violent when they're on their periods.

Vacation Pics: The Ship

Okay, so here's the first group of pics from our recent family vacation. I won't bombard you with all 367 photos, namely because I know how much I personally enjoy looking at 367 photos from someone else's vacation. Seriously, who wants to do that? I mean, if you're a guy at least. Let's be honest, if you weren't there, you can only care so much. And if you don't even know who I am (the true identity of Mr. Fun), you won't give a shit to begin with.

So. I will post about a dozen or so pics overall... the shots I feel best represent our trip.

We set sail on one of Carnival Cruise lines newest ships, Freedom, on April 11. Our cruise would last a week and we would dock at three ports: Cozumel, Costa Rica, and Panama. Here are some shots from around the ship:

Our ship docked alongside another Carnival ship. They're probably the same but I bet our ship could kick their ship's ass.

It was usually between 80 and 100 degrees here every day. "The Lido Deck" was the best place to catch some rays and have waiters bring you cold drinks. It was also a great place to be if you wanted to watch about two or three hundred dripping-wet fatties waddling around in their tube tops and thongs.

Here's me during karaoke night, busting out some Neil Diamond. OH yeah.
The woman in charge (far right) looks thrilled.

This lady was a trip. Her name was Teri Jo and damn if she wasn't bonkers. She would pretty much smile non-stop and sing renditions of top 40 songs while pawing the top of her pre-programmed Casio keyboard. She also played the flute and did a mean Shania Twain. Very entertaining and for all the wrong reasons!

Tomorrow: First stop, Cozumel...

Steve Wiebe Sets New Donkey Kong Jr. World Record

... because "good" is more powerful than "asshole!"*

His record score: a whopping 1,139,800 points! Check it out!

* "Asshole," meaning Billy Mitchell of course.

Green Box: A New Concept In Pizza Boxes

Someone has filed a patent for this. It's not exactly rocket science or a cure for cancer, but it is pretty clever!

Yup. Go ahead. Say it.

"Why didn't I think of that?!"

The only thing I think they should have done is turn those two side pieces into knives. I know, they would be somewhat crappy knives, but maybe they would slice a piece or two before caving in.

Meh, what do I know.

Pontiac Was Doomed #1: Butt Ugly Design

Please take note:

Ruffles have ridges

Cars should not

To be fair, Pontiac isn't the only auto maker to produce cars with ugly ridges on them (Mitsubishi had them on its Eclipse for years), but to my calculation, it is the only auto maker get away with it for more than a decade -- 15 years, to be exact!! And it was done to practically every one of its models!! What, did their lead design engineer die back in 1994?

Oh and let's not forget the Aztek:

More to come...

Transformers 2 Revenge Of The Fallen Official Trailer

I guess the only thing left for them to do in a movie, as far as action is concerned, is to blow up the entire earth and the moon. Damn, dats a lotta wreckage!

What do you think of the trailer overall? Leave a comment!

Cheeseburger! In A Can!

This is awesome... with extra awesome sauce!

The one dude looks like the guy from The Office, doesn't he?

Fun, Crazy, Unique Alarm Clocks

Shocking Alarm Clock
Do you have trouble waking up? Of course you do. Hell, except for Richard Simmons, who doesn't? This alarm clock shocks you when you touch the snooze button. Beauty in simplicity.

The Bomb
Three minutes before your alarm is set to go off, a voice starts a count down. At that point you have three minutes to disconnect a wire corresponding to the blinking light. If you don’t make it, get ready for a bang loud enough to wake up everyone in the house. The secret code is randomly reset every morning.

What man wouldn't love a nobby every morning? That would wake me up FO SHO!! Oh wait, shit, this isn't the nobby I was thinking of. Okay, well, give it enough time I'm sure someone will invent it. In the meantime we have this. Nobby is an alien that you can have a conversation with. Ask Nobby the time and he'll tell you, but if you don't get up when he yells “Rise and shine, it's time to get up!” he gets pissed and orders you to “Take your fingers out of your ears!” The only satisfaction this alarm clock gives you is that you get to literally wring its neck to get it to shut up. Alarm clock and stress reliever! Again, the nobby I was hoping for would be a better stress reliever.

Sfera Alarm Clock
Stupid name, yes, but the Sfera forces you to get your ass up and out of bed! It mounts to the ceiling and when it goes off you must reach up and touch it to turn it off. It then retracts toward the ceiling and goes off again, making you reach even higher. The cycle repeats until you stand up. Me, I'd probably end up hitting it like a pinata.

The Anemone Alarm Clock

This clock also has a very weird name but when the alarm goes off it starts rumbling and bouncing, eventually rolling off your nightstand. The vibration not only makes it difficult to find, but also difficult turn-off.

Pole Dancer
With its sleazy strip club vibe, the Pole Dancer clock is guaranteed to "get you up" in the morning (wow, glad to see they're paying those marketing geniuses well). Includes light and music.

Snuz N Luz
Some pretty clever shit right here. If you snooze, you lose. Literally. Program this WiFi enabled clock to donate money from your online bank account every time you hit the snooze button. The clock even taunts you with details of the donation and the charity, as well as the total amount of your past donations. Sorry but this clock sucks balls.

Flying Alarm Clock
When it goes off, this clock starts blaring an alarm that sounds like a submarine S.O.S. If that doesn't work, after a few seconds a propeller starts whirling around and eventually shoots into the air. But here's the really fun part: the only way you can shut off the annoying alarm is to retrieve the propeller and put it back on the clock!

If you hit "snooze" and delay getting out of bed, Clocky will roll off your nightstand and all over the bedroom, forcing you to corner it to shut it off. Supposedly it can survive a fall of three feet.

Sleep Squad
God almighty, when it comes to annoying the F%$# out you, I think we have a winner. When it's time to get up, you are awakened by this message: “This is the police, you have until the count of three to get out of bed or we are coming in, 1… 2… 3!” A police siren then goes off and the light flashes, making life in bed a living hell.

Glo Pillow

An alarm clock for pussies, Glo Pillow was designed to serve as an alternative to the regular alarm clock. The pillow uses LED technology to wake the user with the light as well as to display the time on the pillow which begins to glow 40 minutes before the pre-set time. The idea is that the user will wake up gradually and not as suddenly or violently as with an alarm clock.

Wake N' Bacon

Invented by some crafty students, Wake n' Bacon is a freakin' miracle. A frozen strip of bacon is placed in the device the night before. Two halogen lamps slow-cook the bacon ten minutes prior to wake up time. Hot damn!

Drag Racer
The alarm starts with an dragster engine revving and tires screeching. Staging lights go off in sequence until 8000 horsepower screams into action.

Puzzle Clock
This one sounds at the designated time, but it also shoots three puzzle pieces into the air. And you guessed it -- in order to make the damn thing stop, you have to hunt down the pieces and solve the puzzle.

Carpet Clock

This alarm clock requires you to get out of bed and stand on it to turn it off. Carpet Clock as an LCD screen to display the time, too.

Gun Alarm
Now we're talkin'! Hit that snooze button right between the eyes with the Gun-Operated Alarm Clock sure to knock ‘em dead every time! This clock uses an old gaming light gun that has been retrofitted with a few tilt switches. So in addition to squeezing off a few rounds for some extra shut-eye in the morning the gun can also be angled and tilted to control other functions of the clock like setting the time and alarm.

Sonic Bomb

Say hello to the Mac Daddy of alarm clocks: Sonic Bomb! Features an adjustable volume alarm with a maximum loudness of 113 decibels (a jackhammer is about 100 decibels). It also has a "bed shaker" option. Not pleasant. Nope. Not pleasant at all.

NOTE FROM MR. FUN: if you're looking to purchase any of these clocks (except Wake N Bacon), try doing a Google search (there were too many sources to keep track)...