Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Talkback Comments Re: The Latest Spider-Man 4 Rumors

Sometimes I swear to god I laugh out loud at comments made by AICN talkbackers. If you've never paid witness to the boards on AICN, you are really missing out. We all know what happens when some geeks in this world read news or rumors they don't agree with... they take to the Internets and go off like mad cow. When AICN talkbackers read something they don't like some of them take it to the next level. One part clever, two parts humorous, seven parts hatred. Some comical shit to be sure.

This time, the rage is in response to the latest Spider-Man 4 rumors. John Malkovich as The Vulture? Anne Hathaway as Felicia Hardy a.k.a. The Vulturess? WTF is a Vulturess? WTF happened to The Lizard? Lots of WTF happening there. But yeah, I can almost guarantee right now that you will laugh at many of these golden nuggets. Let's fire away, shall we?

Ex Disgraced Gov Elliot Spitzer should play Vulture
by Stalkeye
Dec 8th, 2009
12:30:24 PM
he looks like a spitting image; older and creepy looking.

the only person to play the vulture is......
by RighteousBrother
Dec 8th, 2009
12:30:53 PM
LARRY DAVID!

The problem with Larry David...
by loodabagel
Dec 8th, 2009
12:32:59 PM
It's a PG13 movie, so he'd be at a loss for words. "Whattaya mean I can't call him Spider-cunt? It's hilarious!"

110 minutes of p. parker's life issues, 10 of spiderman.
by HaterofCrap
Dec 8th, 2009
12:33:17 PM
that is the formula for these shit movies. peter parker is the biggest bore in comics/movies.

AWESOME! Not.
by Quake II
Dec 8th, 2009
12:36:47 PM
Vultress? No fucking way. This is shaping up to be twice the abomination that Spider-Man 3 was. They'll probably throw in the Lizard, Vulture, Mysterio and the Rhino just to overcrowd the movie like the last one did. Did these assholes learn nothing from Batman & Robin? ONE villian, ONE hero. Concentrate on those TWO characters and go make the movie.

I cant wait for "Grape Vultress Slurpees" 
by soup74
Dec 8th, 2009
01:00:50 PM
maybe burger king will give us a double decker chicken sandwich called "the vultures"

It's funny that anyone even gives a shit
by malificus
Dec 8th, 2009
06:57:51 PM
after that abortion that was Spidey 3 I have to laugh that bullshit rumor like this can even generate a response at all. I give Sam total credit, I'm still a fan but I hated Spidey 3, it's almost as if he has some sort of creative axe to grind, like he's purposely making them shittier and shittier the more money they throw at him, and christ Toby McGuire loathes it as well. This story is complete horseshit, Vulturess? If anything remotely like that makes it to film it will kill Raimi's cred once and for all, what small amount he still has. Bring in Electro and Mysterio and stop fucking around, assholes!!
With Anne Hathaway
by NippleEffect
Dec 8th, 2009
01:06:03 PM
there's a chance of some Vulturess side bewb

If this is true, it is the FUCKING END of Spider-Man!
by REVENGE_of_FETT
Dec 8th, 2009
01:06:20 PM

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL! Why in THE FUCK would you have Felicia Hardy....and not have her BE Felicia Hardy? Why use that name? It makes ZERO SENSE!

If Raimi is absolutely intent on using the dopiest characters in Spider-Man lore, then yes, by all means, use The Vulture! Not using The Lizard because it doesn't have a human face is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard in connection with these films, and that includes emo hair and disco dancing!


Remember when they cast Dafoe as the Goblin
by Quake II
Dec 8th, 2009
01:13:11 PM
And everyone went, BRILLIANT idea! He LOOKS like the Green Goblin! Add some pointy ears and makeup and it's perfect! Then they covered what is essentially the perfect Green Goblin face with A FUCKING PLASTIC HELMET! Yeah, This series has fucked things up from day one.

I can't believe they are serioous about 4th
by Glory_Fades_ImMaxFischer
Dec 8th, 2009
01:21:55 PM
Spiderman 4 = Superman 4

WOO HOOO, FUCK IT UP EVEN MORE !!!
by VADER77
Dec 8th, 2009
01:32:22 PM
if it wasn't bad enough that Spiderman 2 and 3 sucked, course i didn't think they could fuck Spiderman up any more than they did in 3, here they are proving me WRONG. look, i love Spiderman, and I don't mean the movies, I mean Spidey the character, the comics. The first movie was bad enough as it was, but at least I could watch it, 2 stunk, and 3 was just a horribly effin' nightmare of a travesty that is Marvel/Raimi. Quit taking artistic license with these iconic characters and FOLLOW THE FUCKIN HISTORY!! It's OK to change some stuff here and there, tweak things, but you have to stay true to the cores... they are bastardizing everything about Spidey, and it seems like no one even cares. Stan Lee should be beat within an inch of his life, brought back to health, and have it done again, over and over for pimping out his characters. I can't even believe they could stoop low enough, as to completely change a character like Felicia Hardy-Black Cat, and now SUPPOSEDLY the Vultress.... UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE. and i HATE Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane. PERIOD.

This will under perform.
by AllPowerfulWizardOfOz
Dec 8th, 2009
01:37:48 PM
It will be a total train wreck. Nolan raised the bar for all comic book movies with TDK and after the last outing of Spiderman it's going to be hard to get people back into those seats again especially casting a weak villain like The Vulture. Terrible terrible choice if true.

Malkovich's line readings:
by REVENGE_of_FETT
Dec 8th, 2009
01:53:08 PM
"Listen. You. Spider. Man. If you think. That I. Would just. Give. Up. Then you. Are sadly. Mistaken. Get thee back. Little. Freak. And witness. The. POWER OF MY AVENGING WINGS!

Old-Ass Super-Villains
by Aquatarkusman
Dec 8th, 2009
01:53:56 PM
Nothing beats "The Terror" from The Tick. I think he beat up Teddy Roosevelt.

Maybe It's Inevitible That Spider-Man Be "Batman & Robined." 
by Sean38
Dec 8th, 2009
02:02:14 PM
Then we can wait a decade, blow the whole thing up, and start over.

AUNT MAY DIES WHEN HER GIRLFRIEND RUPTURES HER…..
by TehCreepyThinMan
Dec 8th, 2009
02:08:57 PM
Bladder with a strap-on that wasn’t greased properly for the dirty old c#*t!

F*CK THE SUITS!!
by marineboy
Dec 8th, 2009
02:18:30 PM
F*CK HOLLYWOOD!!! F*CKING WITH OUR MYTHOLOGY - REWRITE THE BIBLE WHILE YOU"RE AT IT YOU PRICKS!!!!

This *has* to be fake.
by spaceworlder
Dec 8th, 2009
02:28:58 PM
There's no way in hell someone would be stupid enough to make Felicia Hardy the "Vulturess." That would just be inviting an geek/internet backlash of epic proportions. This source either misheard something or he's full of shit. It's just too dumb to be true.

I call bullshit
by SithMenace
Dec 8th, 2009
02:31:01 PM
Sam Raimi has always been respectful of the old school Spider-man villains in his films (although Harry should have been in the original Goblin suit for a total Parker mindfuck), so I can't see him changing Felicia Hardy from The Black Cat to the Vulturess. I say it's misinformation or a bullshit source.

Felicia Hardy, the Black Cat as the Vultress??? GREAT!!!!
by Johnno
Dec 8th, 2009
02:50:45 PM
Now all you assholes will have something genuine to complain and bitch about instead of expending all that misplaced energy on Avatar!

thats some stupid shit
by Dharma4
Dec 8th, 2009
03:01:24 PM
Vulture and Vulturess? WHAT THE FUCK? So VENOM is fucking okay? But The Lizard isn't? Did Raimi lose his balls? WHAT THE FUCK! THIS HAS ME SO FUCKING MAD.

When The Goblin and Spidey had conversations,
by theycallmemrtibbs
Dec 8th, 2009
03:08:59 PM
It felt like I was watching an episode of the Power Rangers. Had to put that out there.

Every-time the Goblin spoke, his head bobbed up and down because of that helmet he wore (Damn, I wished that was make-up.)

Spidey wears a mask, you would think you could at least see his mandible move when he spoke.

The whole Lizard fiasco is bullshit, Raimi need to grow a pair and tell those suits to fuck-off because Nolan raised the bar with Two-face. If that make-up job could get pass an audience without offending anybody, I'm quite sure the lizard could as well.


The Soup Nazi would make a better villain
by YackBacker
Dec 8th, 2009
03:11:58 PM
2 hrs of Spidey battling for lobster bisque!

Spiderman 4: The Quest For Peace
by ChocolateJesusMan
Dec 8th, 2009
03:15:30 PM
So Whose gonna be the "Nuclear Man" in this crap-fest

I agree with you guys about the Lizard/Morbius storyline.
by The Reluctant Austinite
Dec 8th, 2009
03:26:53 PM
I geeked out when the rumor about the Morbius/Lizard and the mutant six-armed Spider-man storyline surfaced. I love that story, and it would be a total freakshow episode of the series. I'm kind of up for that. Plus it would give Spider-man a new look to exploit for toys, action figures, etc. The Vulture was kind of a boring villain to me as a kid (he's not likely to be a big selling toy with kids). I hope they can pull it off.

In the 5th film we get... THE HOBO-GOBLIN...
by The Dum Guy
Dec 8th, 2009
03:43:14 PM
The spider that bit Peter in the first movie bites a bum behind a party store around Halloween, the bum (crazy-drunk on a can of Sterno) finds a discarded pumpkin costume behind the store. 

Thinking that Spiderman stole his bicycle, he dons the pumpkin outfit to fight Spidey for his Schwinn.

The Shockerette
by turketron_2
Dec 8th, 2009
03:49:06 PM
Defeat her by using "2 in the pink 1 in the stink" technique... spidey, you're almost there, just extend your middle finger along with the other two!

Patrick Stewart as the Vulture...
by Read and Shut Up
Dec 8th, 2009
04:03:33 PM
...couldn't save this. Please, Mr. Raimi. You're a fantastic filmmaker, and seem like one of Hollywood's nice guys. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN. VULTRESS? "Make it so, Vultress!" The fuck you say?!

Yes he will SithMenace
by inneeduvasuperhero
Dec 8th, 2009
04:11:35 PM
For as much as he got right in the first 2, he still mixed up Gwen and MJ, gave us a spiderman that is very short on great sarcasm, gave the goblin a power ranger costume, made Sandman Ben's killer, and made Harry's Goblin into something from the X-games.

I just took a big Raimi. Should I flush it? I think I will.
by Mike_D
Dec 8th, 2009
04:15:50 PM
*flushes*

TehCreepyThinMan, UNCLE BEN KILLED HIMSELF!!!
by Big Jim
Dec 8th, 2009
04:30:21 PM
Spidey digs up Ben's corpse, alternately pummeling what's left of him into jelly crying "You killed my Uncle", and hugging him close with tear-filled promises of "I won't ever let you down again".

PAKAAAAAAAAAAAAW!
by brokentusk
Dec 8th, 2009
04:40:44 PM
"Oh shit, it's The Vulture! We're fucked!"

RAIMI GOTTA EAT!
by Nerd Rage
Dec 8th, 2009
04:54:39 PM
I bet he takes the money no matter how shitty the script. You think he's going to go back to making small horror movies for peanuts? He's got a death grip on this golden goose and he ain't letting go.

I am So Sorry
by knowledge1027
Dec 8th, 2009
05:06:00 PM
True story week before Thanksgiving I meet Sam Raimi in Manhattan near were i work, got to shake his hand and everything. Thought it was pretty cool, now with this news I must say I am sorry to everyone that I didnt kick him in the balls. P.S. I think The rumor Is bulls@#$ I hope

Hey, I just found the teaser poster!
by brokentusk
Dec 8th, 2009
05:54:10 PM
http://imgur.com/8rz7i

Transcript of the Meeting
by marcspector
Dec 8th, 2009
05:56:08 PM
"Hm, the Vulture, huh? Does it have to be a bald guy?" "How about a hot chick!" "The Vulture... ess?! Anyone? The Vulturess? Huh? Bikini and wings? Maybe some go-go boots? How about it? I'm thinking Halle Berry." "Make it Anne Hathaway. And let's replace that Lizard subplot with a dance number!" "Done and done. What's for lunch?"

Really, Marvel? Really?
by atalcot
Dec 8th, 2009
06:36:16 PM
Sigh, I guess we'll just have to wait 10 years for Christopher Nolan to reboot this Series with "Spider-Man Begins"

SO an OLD man in a Vulture suit is ok, but a Lizard ain't?
by Cinemajerk
Dec 8th, 2009
06:45:02 PM
Let me get this straight. The suits are nervous about a meek scientist who transforms into a COOL looking powerful Lizard man.....but they aren't about an OLD MAN in a VULTURE suit?? LOL. Gimme a break. A CGI Lizard who hisses and talks and kicks ass would be AWESOME. Don't get me wrong, Malkovich would be great too. But on the silly scale, a man in a Vulture suit is A LOT sillier than a Lizard Man. :-)

Stupid fucks!
by Logan_1973
Dec 8th, 2009
06:50:37 PM
The whole goddamn world has been waiting for the Lizard! He's got to be more believable then the fucking stay-puft-marshmellow-man Sandman we got! Liz should have been there 3 films ago!

Put Hathaway in Butt Floss
by NippleEffect
Dec 8th, 2009
07:15:31 PM
it'll make a billion dollars

Electro-Woman (and Dyna-Girl)!
by Flim Springfield
Dec 8th, 2009
07:40:12 PM

Apparently Lizard and Kraven just made too much sense
by Miyamoto_Musashi
Dec 8th, 2009
08:07:36 PM
The studio is experimenting, "how much of a mess can we make of a Spiderman movie and still get lots of people to see it, can we top Spiderman 3?"
There's two elements to a Spider-Man film:
by TedKordLives
Dec 8th, 2009
08:23:36 PM
There's crying, and there's the Vultress.-McG

BTW I'm still laughing at "PAKAAAAAAAAW" and "side bewb."

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