Candy meets porn! WTF
Monday, August 31, 2009
Disney Just Bought Marvel
For $4 billion. Read it here.What do you make of this? Will Marvel characters start dancing around singing pop songs?
Office Camouflage
Okay, so I know absolutely zero Russian and I am willing to bet you don't either -- but don't let that stop you from watching this clip.
The question: Who wants to volunteer for a new assignment when the boss comes calling?
The answer: No one.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
A Yummy Picture Of A Cheeseburger
Does this not make you drool?I found a really great website the other day. Its main mission is hamburgers. Lots and lots of hamburgers. I'll post something on that soon.
How To Make Movie Theater Quality Popcorn On The Cheap
I have yet to personally do this but it sounds like a great idea. You can make really good, tasty movie theater style popcorn at home for pennies on the dollar. You need a few items (this being one of them) costing a total of around $30, but once you have them you'll be up to your neck in awesomely-tasting popcorn for a very long time. Read the details over at Painless Frugality.Thanks, Painless Frugality
Friday FAILS
Retail Promotion FAIL
Wedding Rehearsal FAIL
Merchandise FAIL
Bathroom Design FAIL
Eye Protection FAIL
Merchandise FAIL
Painting FAIL
Retail Design FAILThank you, Failblog.org!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
"Klingons In The White House" Tirade Will Make You Say WTF
This was a real speech given by a real person in government. I love me some Star Trek and everything but...
God help us all.
God help us all.
The Kirby Vacuum Cleaner Saga
NOTE: The following is a true story embellished only with a random sprinkling of profanity and the occasional violent outburst.
Ever been hassled by pesky magazine salespeople? How 'bout Jehovah's Witness? Or maybe a circus clown on drugs? Well let me tell you right now... those things, my friend, those things are a walk in the park compared to the hellish fate that awaits you if you ever let a Kirby vacuum salesman into your house.
Let me make this as clear as I can. Under no circumstances, I don't care how lonely you might be, I don't care how much time you have to kill, I don't care if they offer you a free rim job... do not ever invite a Kirby vacuum salesman into your house.
It began one afternoon. Unbeknownst to me or my wife, someone knocked on the door of our house and our kids answered it. It was a man claiming that our family could win a "great prize" or some such shit and that all they had to do was fill out a card. They filled out the card (dumb shits), gave it to the man, and he left. Now keep in mind this scenario we did not find out about until -- fast-forward a couple of weeks -- our telephone rang at dinnertime. My wife answered it. It was a Kirby vacuum rep.
The Kirby rep, a woman, told my wife that we had won the drawing! Can you believe it? Out of all the thousands of entries, we won! The deal was Kirby was going to come to our house to vacuum and deep-clean our entire (filthy rotten dirty) living room carpet! In our wildest dreams we could not imagine such a fortune! And there were no strings attached! No sales pitches either! All we had to do is let the Kirby guy come in and go to town on our crappy carpet! My wife arranged a day and time.
Fast-forward two weeks. It was late afternoon on a Saturday. I was home with the kids, my wife was out galavanting around or some such nonsense. It didn't matter; our rotten carpet was going to look like new again! The doorbell rang. I opened the door. In walks the Kirby guy, a black dude who was obviously pretty gay. Now, there's nothing wrong with being gay, it's just that this guy was so extremely over-the-top with his flamboyance, it was kind of funny. Think Lamar Latrelle from Revenge of the Nerds... that was this guy.
So Lamar begins assembling the company's latest and greatest model: The Sentria. This thing can not only vacuum but also act as a powerful, foam-injecting, deep-cleaning scrubbing device. It was covered in chrome and weighed like 800 pounds.
The Kirby Sentria
It also came with like fifty-seven attachments and doohickies. Lamar told me he was new at Kirby and appologized for taking a while to hook everything up. He looked nervous. He inserted little white discs in the vacuum so he could show me the amount of dirt it could pick up. Damn, my living room was gonna look awesome by the time this guy was done -- and the woman who called us two weeks prior promised my wife there would be no pesky sales pitches, so I knew I wouldn't have to listen to any of their "you must buy this wonderful machine" nonsense! It was a win/win. I was so happy with the prospect I grabbed a beer and started drinking. Hey, it was Saturday night.
Fifty-seven attachments and doohickies
As Lamar (with his limp-wristed throwing style*) finished assembling the chrome-plated behemoth, he asked me if I had vacuumed the carpet before he arrived. I told him yes. Then he said, "No you didn't." And I said, "Yes I did, we have a really good Oreck, it's only a couple of years old and I vacuumed before you got here." And he said, "No you didn't... you didn't pick up any dirt... you only picked up carpet fibers... watch THIS!" He kicked on the Kirby and proceeded to vacuum for a bit. Then he removed and showed me the disc which, sure enough, was covered in dirt. "Impressive," I said. Lamar then explained, "And I'm only using one-third the power of this machine!" My response was, "Okay... well, show me full power, I want to see that!" He replied, "I can't. My boss won't let me." That's when I smelled a rat.
So I'm like "What?! What are you talking about, your boss won't let you... why would you come here with this vacuum and not show me its full potential? What if I wanted to buy one? I would need to see what the thing can do, right? That doesn't make any sense!" Lamar explained that it was "company policy." If I did not purchase the vacuum, full power mode would "dirty it up for the next potential buyer."
Yeah. Insert WTF here.
I was starting to get pissed. I literally told this dude, "What if you went to a dealership to buy a Nissan 350Z and then when you get on the freeway for a test-drive, when you go to 'see what it's got,' the sales guy tells you the car would only go to 35 mph but if you buy it, it will go full-power... what the f#*k would you say to that guy? Exactly. You'd tell him to go f#*k himself, wouldn't you?" Lamar was quite taken aback by my analogy.
I hammered him with a lot of questions, too. If this guy was gonna torment me with his unwanted sales pitch, I was gonna torment him right back.
Lamar became even more nervous. He said he wanted to call his boss and ask him to swing by to help answer my questions and -- waddaya know -- he "just happened to be in the area!" The smell was getting worse. I continued to drink, downing beer number three.
He hangs up the phone. "Yeah, my boss is gonna stop by, he'll be here later," Lamar explained. Me, I just wanted my carpet clean so I let the guy go to work on it.
Lamar was about halfway done when he tilted the Kirby on its side and said, "See these rollers in here? Your Oreck has bristles and those bristles beat dirt back down into the carpet... these Kirby rollers are superior to what's in your Oreck..." I sat there and I just couldn't take it anymore. I said, "Hey, my wife told me you guys promised there would be no sales pitches, what happened to that?" Lamar replies, "Oh, I'm just tellin' ya about it, I ain't tryin' to sell it to ya..." Whatever.
The pillow biter vacuumed and deep-cleaned our entire living room in about two hours, maybe two and a half, all the while pitching how insanely great this thing was by showing me dozens of crazy-ass attachments and telling me how my family would benefit from owning one. And admittedly, the room looked great. I was on beer number seven. Then Lamar casually handed me a sheet of paper. Here's the actual document:
There it was, typed out in black and white. The "Kirby Sentria..." only
TWO THOUSAND F#*KING DOLLARS!!!
I said, "You have got to be kidding me, right? Two grand?" The guy replies, "Yup!" as if he were proud of the fact. I then told him, "All I know is, for two grand -- and no offense, man -- but for two grand, this thing better suck my dick and my balls, and it had better come with two free hookers... that's ridiculous." Lamar then stepped outside. He had to get with his manager who was walking up my driveway. I needed another beer.
Lamar came back in with his manager. His boss, a guy who looked like he never missed a sandwich, shook my hand and asked me, "What do I have to do to get you into a Kirby today, sir?" I repeated what I told Lamar, that for two grand I would basically need Megan Fox and her lesbian friends to polish my helmet for a year.
Undeterred, the big oaf would disappear then reappear with a better offer. I kept telling him no. This went on for about ten minutes until it got to the point where he offered to knock-off more than a thousand dollars. Right, more than a thousand dollars off the original price of $1,949.00! Then he said we could win an all-expenses paid Hawaiian vacation! His last and final offer was something like $900.00 tax, title, out-the-door. But they could only honor that deal if I bought it today. Right. Okay. WHA - - ?!
That's when I told Lamar and his sweaty boss it was time to leave. I wanted so bad to say, "thanks for cleaning our carpet and thanks for trying to f#*king swindle me out of two grand..." but I held back. The carpet did look really clean.
The next day Lamar called us to see if we changed our mind. He said they would still honor the special price but we had to act fast. The answer was no.
Two days later there was a knock at the door. It was Lamar. I asked him not to contact us any more.
Seriously though. Unbelievable. This company, Kirby, was ready and willing to take my family to the cleaners for DOUBLE the price of what they would have settled for in the first place. What a scam.
I like Kirby the video game character and I like Jack Kirby. Those are the only Kirby's I ever want to be reminded of, ever again.
Nearly three hours of torment in exchange for what? A clean carpet? It was a terrible price to pay.
Any of you guys ever go through this kinda shit with a vacuum sales company or any other door-to-door salesman for that matter...?
* As you may recall, a quote taken from Revenge of the Nerds
Electric Zoo
Man, I'd love to go to this on Labor Day weekend. So many big names... Armin Van Buuren, Deadmau5, Kaskade, David Guetta, Markus Schulz, ATB, Benny Benassi, Robbie Rivera... JESUS!!Alas, my funds are quite dehydrated. F#*K.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Disguise Your Laptop As A Newspaper
A company overseas has come up with a clever product which disguises your laptop to appear as an ordinary newspaper. At around $80 it's damn expensive though. From the manufacturer:
The "Laptop Against Crime" is just what you need to disguise your valuable laptop. The bag is made of plastic and has a Ziplock-type fastener. It is also equipped with a removable carry chain. There are several different versions of newspaper graphics available as well.
Like I said, this bag is being sold primarily overseas but I'm sure they'll be making their way here soon.
If Everyday Life Was Directed By Michael Bay
Cracked had a contest a while back where readers were asked to depict everyday situations in a world directed by Michael Bay. If you haven't seen this before be sure to check it out.Sorry this took so long to post, Eric!
Wanna See A Whole Bunch Of Wrecked Exotic Sports Cars?
Yes, sometimes zoom-zoom = boom-boom.Go here. And don't forget to grab some Kleenex.
Thanks, Wrecked Exotics
The Ocular Penetration Restriction Act Of 2007
I had no idea such a thing existed, did you?
NOTE: VIDEO CONTAINS MATURE LANGUAGE,
POSSIBLY NSFW
NOTE: VIDEO CONTAINS MATURE LANGUAGE,
POSSIBLY NSFW
Don't Forget To Get Your Free Pizza Today
If you don't own a Camaro, borrow your buddies'. Shit, if that doesn't work you could probably pull up in a Firebird; most of those teenage punks won't know the difference anyway.If you have no idea what the hell I am talking about, click here.
Creativity At Work
If you work in a creative corporate environment... wait let me start that over.
If you work in a "creative" corporate environment (like I do) then you're gonna want to check these out. They're humorous cartoons from a website calling itself Business Guys On Business Trips. The examples below are just a few of my personal favorites but you can see a whole bunch more if you visit their site.
Yes folks, these are the kinds of things that go on inside Creative Corporate America. Believe it.
Thanks for the link, Keith!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Apparently There Is A God And He Likes Burritos Too! Chipotle Has An iPhone App!
Gizmodo is reporting that fast-food chain Chipotle is unleashing what could be the greatest iPhone app so far:
Camaro Owners: Free Pizza Tomorrow!
Papa John was recently reunited with his 1971 Camaro Z28, so tomorrow, August 26th, he's literally giving away large pizzas to Camaro owners! Here's the deal, courtesy of Jalopnik:According to the Papa John's corporate office, any Camaro owner who drives to their nearest Papa John's restaurant will get a large one-topping pizza for free. This only applies tomorrow, Wednesday, August 26th, and there is a limit of one pizza per Camaro and one Camaro per visit.
Get out there, mullet heads!!
Yet Another Facebook FAIL
Oh there must be a whole lot of these happening. This one is a couple of weeks old but man it's a good one. Be sure to click the image for a larger view.
Click image for larger view
So what did we learn today? Don't "friend" your boss on Facebook and then bitch about your shitty job.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Facebook FAIL
This one is really making the rounds on the Interwebz.
If you have a hard time reading the copy in the image below, be sure to click it for a larger view.
Read it and then come back.
Click image for larger view
Good god, that is some screw up, wouldn't you say? As if the embarrassment weren't bad enough, the woman is -- according to her profile -- engaged to be married.
There is some speculation that this was actually a prank pulled by a couple of people. What do you make of it...?
For the original source and lots of commentary, click here.
Thanks, Emails From Crazy People
Duracell Energy Drink
Apparently this Duracell branded energy drink is being sold and marketed overseas. In Europe, I believe. Kinda strange.I love energy drinks so I'd give it a try. Hopefully it isn't acidic. Get it? Batteries hav -
Nevermind.
The Man Wall
What's a man wall, you ask? A man wall is the ultimate nerve center of entertainment for man. Yes. One that has everything a man could ever ask for. Well. Almost.
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42″ Vizio Flat Panel LCD HDTV 3 – 26″ Vizio Flat Panel LCD HDTVs 1000 watt Panasonic 5.1 Home Theater System DVD player with 5-CD changer iPod docking station 2 – Wireless surround sound speakers Live 7-foot sports ticker with built-in computer 1 year free service for sport’s ticker Full-size built-in beer refrigerated beer keg with tap 1000 watt microwave oven 2 cigar humidors (holds 25 cigars each) complete with gauges 32-bottle wine rack
Take a look at... THIS!
The Man Wall Features:
Did you catch all that? A keg, multiple flat screens, DVD, 5.1 surround, an iPod dock, a microwave, twin humidors, wine racks, and a 7-foot long, 24/7 live feed LED sports ticker! OMFG
Manly paradise does come with a price however. In this case, you're going to have to shell out $15,000. (Reminds me of when Clark asked Cousin Eddie how much money he needed to get back on his feet and got the response, "'Bout fifty-two thousand dollars..." at which point Clark shuffled some twenty dollar bills back into his wallet.)
Yeah, The Man Wall is pricey but for the guy who spares no expense pimping out his castle, this is pretty dope. They left out the 360 and Jenna Jameson doll though. Nobody's perfect I guess.
Visit The Man Wall for more details.
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