Randy Lerner Must Sell the Cleveland Browns

It's time, I think we might all agree...
CLICK HERE TO SIGN A PETITION ASKING RANDY LERNER TO SELL THE CLEVELAND BROWNS.

If someone else owns the Browns maybe they'll give two shits about the team and hire the right people to win a Superbowl er, get us to a Superbowl, I mean to the playoffs, okay maybe they'll win more than 8 games and stop making a mockery of the team and the city of Cleveland. I'll settle for that.

I highly recommend you sign the petition. I'm doing it. This has gone on long enough.

Related Articles:

Fed-Up Cleveland Browns Fan Starts "Randy Lerner Must Go" Online Petition. Article is here.

SI.com: "Mangini Might Be Worst NFL Coaching Hire Ever." Article is here.

Agents Steering Players Away From The Browns. Article is here.

CBS Sports: "Mangini Is Just A Jerk." Article is here.

Another Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Nice Picture

Mexican Wrestling Mask

Here's a new one. According to Urban Dictionary, the definition is as follows:

	Mexican Wrestling Mask
	A sexual act where a person, who is fully reclined on a Lazy Boy or some other form of reclining chair, has their forehead, nose and eyes covered by a fully stretched nut sack similar to how a Mexican Wrestling Mask is worn. I gave my wife a Mexican Wrestling Mask last night and she was pissed!

Nice.

The Star Wars Ice Cream Maker Guy Has His Own Site

Yes, he does.

So who is Ice Cream Maker Guy? According to the official Ice Cream Maker Guy website:

As Luke is battling Darth Vader in the Carbon Chamber and Lando, Leia, Chewbacca and C-3PO are running to escape from Bespin on the Millenium Falcon (they had just missed Boba Fett). Lando stops to announce: "This is Lando Calrissian, the Empire has taken control of the city. I advise everyone to leave the city before Imperial Troops arrive."  They then take off down the hallway and Ice Cream Maker Guy rounds the corner running for his life. 

Yes.

From Yahoo! Answers comes this question:


Pretty cut and dried. Now keep in mind this question was asked three years ago... and the situation with the Browns has only gotten WORSE!

What do we have to do to get a winning football team in this town? Maybe the owner needs to sell and get the hell out... something needs to be done.

Smash-Up Derby

I never had this as a kid but my friend did. Other than the fact that we progressively lost more and more pieces as we played with it — and it took a little while to reassemble between crashes — this toy was as awesome as it looks! They should re-launch this toy for kids of today. Maybe a Pimpin' Ain't Easy set with two Cadillacs.

Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.  After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."  The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room.  He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front  paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at  the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.  A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.  The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$250?" she cried, "$250 just to tell me my duck is dead?" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $250."

The Sanity In-Store Was Awesome

Head over to my DJ blog for info and pics...

A Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Nice Picture

Friday FAILS: More TV News FAILS!

By request, more TV News FAILS. Because they're so goooood.

NOTE: MAY CONTAIN PROFANITY

Take The Official "2009 F As In Fun Sci-Fi TV & Movie Quiz!"

I've wanted to do this for a while but I always put it off for some reason. Well here it is, the official 2009 F As In Fun Sci-Fi TV & Movie Quiz!

Remember, these questions are about science-fiction and fantasy television shows and feature films. Mark your answers down on a scrap piece of paper and at the end, I'll grade you. On your mark, get set, go!

1. Which movie featured a character who said, "Absolutely, I will not interfere!"

A) Star Trek The Motion Picture

B) Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan

C) Blade

D) Batman Returns

2. Which movie featured a character who said, "Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen!"

A) Terminator 3

B) Edward Scissorhands

C) Transformers The Movie

D) Aliens

3. Which movie featured a character who said, "I got you, you son of a bitch!"

A) The Dark Knight

B) Tombstone

C) Total Recall

D) Spider-Man 3

4. In which episode of Star Trek (The Original Series) did Kirk say, "These ruins... extend to the horizon..."

A) Arena

B) The Doomsday Machine

C) The City On The Edge Of Forever

D) Let That Be Your Last Battlefield

5. In this scene from The Empire Strikes Back, what is this man running with?

A) Large hair dryer

B) Ice cream maker

C) Garbage disposal

D) Hydrant fitting

6. A sequel to the film The Dark Crystal is currently in production. 

A) True

B) False

7. In which film did Arnie say, "Relax... you'll live longer."

A) Terminator 2

B) Last Action Hero

C) True Lies

D) Total Recall

8. What is the scientific name of the "distress signal planet" that the U.S.S. Nostromo responded to in Alien?

A) Argos

B) Cynix

C) LV-426

D) Zeta 2 Reticuli

9. What is the name of the song HAL sings as it is being disconnected in 2001: A Space Odyssey?

A) You Are My Sunshine

B) O Susanna

C) Another One Bites The Dust

D) Daisy Bell

10. How many actual seasons of Space:1999 made it to television?

A) Two

B) Three

C) Four

D) "Space Nineteen-what?"

Okay, let's add up your score. For every correct answer, give yourself 10 points. Here are the answers:

1. A

2. D

3. B

4. C

5. B

6. A

7. D

8. C

9. D

10. A

So if you're any kind of respectable geek, I would imagine you scored at least an 80.

0 points Megan Fox will do you

10-50 points Megan Fox might consider talking to you

60-70 points Turn in your Geek badge, boy!

80-90 points Leonard Nimoy would be very proud and allow you to change his Depends

100 points Flawless Geek Victory! Megan Fox will refuse to accept your rose, you geek!

Till next time!

Want Ta Do Somethin' Really Fun? How's About Ridin' A Cruizin Cooler!

Dear F As In Fun Reader,

I feel I would be doing you a massive disservice by not telling you about this thing.

A few weeks ago I spent an afternoon at my in-laws. Occasionally it's a bit boring there (okay I'm exaggerating, it's always boring there) but that day, much to my surprise, there were two awesome things parked in the garage. What were those two awesome things? Cruizin Coolers.

Cruizin Coolers do exactly what you would expect them to do... they are coolers that you can store beer in and cruise around on! Here is the official word from the company:

Cruizin Cooler combines two basic necessities of life, the ability to have cold food or a beverage handy along with the means to get somewhere, without walking. The Cruzin Cooler is light-weight, comes in various sizes and colors and is available in gas and electric models, with up to a 10 mile range on electric models and 30 miles on the gas models.

So anyway, I asked my brother-in-law, who was already half-in-the-sack drunk anyway, if I could ride one. "Yes" was the answer. I thanked him. I also thanked god and his loyal followers, for I was about to embark on a journey scant few have dared test the pleasure of... a mission not terribly unlike that of Jesus and his minions during that fateful night in Bethlehem... I WAS ABOUT TO RIDE A CRUIZIN COOLER!

I cracked open a cold one (as I'm sure Cruizin Cooler Man Law dictates) and started her up. She responded well except for the seventy-eight times when it stalled. That was annoying. But it was worth it... for I was commanding a rolling cargo carrier of liquid courage.

I almost lost it a few times on the corners but overall the Cruizin Cooler was a blast! Even though it was running on a noisy weed-whacker motor that topped out at 13 mph -- and even though it did indeed stall like seven hundred times -- it was a lot of fun.

Me, zipping around like a kid at daycare.

My wife Pam was lovin' the cooler action.

I think she liked the fact that she was

sitting on a vibrating weed-whacker myself.

Ellen rides a Cruizin Cooler.

Cruizin Cooler models start at $399 and go up from there. You can even buy additional coolers and hitch them in tandem if you want to look like a super-deluxe moron! See?

Sure, it may make you look like a red neck riding this sucker down the street, but the Cruizin Cooler is fun. And hey. Isn't that what this blog is all about (other than the occasional "2012-is-coming-and-we're-all-gonna-die" story)?

 Click here to go to the company's website. 

Cruizin Cooler Owner

Goes to the Liquor Store:

Dudes Look Fairly Gay

Riding Cruizin Cooler Together:

"Obama Pacman" Is Catching On

And somebody's gettin' rich! You can now buy a replica decal similar to the one on Obama's Macbook, seen in this photo...

... by clicking here. Yeah, it's the decal everyone's talking about. Only cool people have this decal on their Macbooks. So if you have a Macbook and you want to be cool, now's your chance. Hurry! DO IT OR YOU WILL CONTINUE TO BE A GOOD-FOR-NOTHING NOBODY!!!

The decals are $3 each or five for twelve bucks. God damn I thought I was slick but someone always beats me to the punch!

Oh and not to be anal, but Pac-Man is spelled with a hyphen. Not that the dude counting his millions is gonna give two shits but just sayin'.

Mobile DJing To The Next Level

Bass in the balls. That's a good thing. You should always face the crowd though. I am inclined to label this a FAIL.

Now THIS...

THIS is a WIN IMO...


Scion partnered with Pioneer to develop this custom xB. Can you imagine having a party and this thing shows up? Your party fun multiplies by 12,000. Damn that would be awesome.

Here are some other DJ-style vehicles. Cool or just plain ol' stupid? You be the judge...

Bizarre Japanese Game Shows You Will Not Believe: Evil Treadmill!

omg this is hilarious.

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

If you're not familiar with the phrase, click here and congratulate yourself on living in the year 2009!

If you ARE familiar with that phrase but have yet to watch the legendary video remix, check it out below. Good stuff.

Did Jack Kirby Have A Hand In Creating Spider-Man?

Contrary to popular belief it appears he may have. I thought this was interesting. From Heatvision:

Comics fans know Kirby's work as intimately as their Spidey Underoos. Even though the Webslinger's origins are generally credited to Stan Lee and reclusive artist Steve Ditko, Kirby was key in the character's early development in Marvel¹s pages. Lee first approached Kirby, with whom he had already created Fantastic Four, X-Men and the Hulk, among others, to help flesh out the concept and initially draw the comic.

The reasons Kirby didn't end up drawing the book are lost in the mists of comic history, with some claiming Lee didn't like Kirby's more muscular depiction and others believing Lee was just too busy. (Kirby did end up drawing the cover to Spider-Man's first appearance, "Amazing Fantasy" #15.)

According to several accounts, Kirby, with his Captain America co-creator Joe Simon, did create a character called the Silver Spider, whose alter ego was an orphaned boy living with two elderly people, and that character was morphed into Spider-Man. 

Fascinating. Click here for the full story!

Megan Fox Is A Brainiac!

According to FilmDrunk:

In the latest issue of Rolling Stone, Megan Fox says, “I’m really tired of being exploited and having everything I say sensationalized.  It’s an unbearable lifestyle.”  

Click here for more.

The Most Bitchin' Pool Table You Have Ever Seen

Okay, are you being distracted by anything right now? Like, work or something like that? Stop what you are doing. You will need to have your full wits about you because I am about to show you something that will blow your mind. Okay, so Gizmodo has the full story, but I am calling your attention to it, dammit. LOOK!!!

IT'S A FUTURISTIC POOL TABLE FROM THE FUTURE!!!

From Gizmodo:

If you like being distracted by projections and badass animations while you play pool, the Obscura CueLight is for you. It uses sensors and an overhead projector to create images that follow the balls as they bang around the table.

The system itself will set you back $80,000, no pool table included. At the Esquire Ultimate Bachelor Pad, where it's currently set up, it's projecting on a $125,000 pool table. Bottom line: you can't afford it.

In addition to this setup, where the balls reveal an image hidden underneath, you can also set it up to have flames track behind the balls, or water that ripples as the balls pass over it. It's a pretty awesome trick, one that works surprisingly smoothly.

Thanks to Eric for the lead

The Polk County Drug Raid: Cops Love Video Games Too!

I had planned to post this on Tuesday night but ended up crashing early. In any case here it is, the Polk County Wii Bowling Tournament, er Drug Raid:

Thanks to my lovely wife for the lead

All The McDonalds In The Continental United States Lit Up At Once

According to Buzzfeed:

Stephen Von Worley created this map showing the distance from the nearest McDonalds throughout the lower 48 states. Congrats, South Dakota: You provide the greatest geographical McChallenge.

That's a lot of nuggets right there.

Full-Size Star Trek Shuttlecraft Playhouse

I have no idea how I missed this, but the other day The Chive posted a piece on how some guy built his grandkids a Star Trek Galileo shuttlecraft play house. Yeah. As in life-size, with blinking lights and doohickies! Looking at this makes me feel like Clark Griswold when he ran toward Wallyworld in slow motion. Holy motherf#*king shit!

Here you can see the real Galileo shuttlecraft. It's the focal point of a very kick-ass episode of Star Trek (at least from the standpoint of plot) called "The Galileo Seven." Ignore the hokey special effects, this episode is f#*kin' awesome:

Check out more pics at The Chive.