My Burger King Rant

First of all let me just get this out of the way right now: Burger King's french fries are the very definition of fail. Only a mentally deficient ass-wad would savor the taste of those godforsaken shit fries. The texture is terrible and they have no flavor. Why in the name of Jesus and baby Jesus did they ever change their fries? I don't know of one single person who has defended those fecal fries, not one. I mean, yeah, I understand experimentation to a degree. Change things up a little, see what happens. Maybe sales go up. But Burger King's fries suck it hard. It's pretty sad when you can make better tasting fries using the frozen ones from the grocery store. Coke changed their product years ago... but when everyone and their brother bitched and moaned about the inferior taste of "New Coke," Coke went ahead and did the right thing... THEY CHANGED IT BACK!

Okay so that wasn't really my rant. Here's my rant. I went through a Burger King drive through a few weeks ago and ordered a variation of my usual Whopper with cheese, no tomato. This time I asked for a Whopper with cheese, no tomato... and extra lettuce.

I give my order to the chick on the other end of the craptacular speaker box. She says back to me, "Okay, you aware that extra lettuce costs extra?" I said, "Um. Okay. But I asked for no tomato... if you are taking the tomato away and replacing it with lettuce then why does the extra lettuce cost extra?" The stupid chick says, "Okay, I see. Pull around."

She didn't charge me extra for the lettuce because I called her on it. But think how many millions of dollars Burger King has made off of people like me. In all seriousness, I know the extra 30 cents or so is no huge deal... but every once in a while I see something that I have to call out based soley on principle or just pure common sense. I wanted to make a point with the extra lettuce thing and it made me feel a tiny bit vindicated.

And furthermore... based on this "toppings pricing formula," every time I ask for no tomato (which I have been doing for more than twenty years) shouldn't Burger King DEDUCT 30 cents from the price of my Whopper? Shouldn't they... seriously? F#*%ing assholes.


So I just Googled "Burger King charges extra" and I found something interesting. It involves Burger King and the fleecing of America with its evil "charge extra for toppings" policy. The embed wouldn't work but here, watch this video clip from an ABC News affiliate in New York.The bottom line is this. Other than telling them that they need to wake up and realize they have the absolute worst fries on the face of the earth, I would like to say one thing to the executives at Burger King: IF A CUSTOMER IS ASKING FOR ONE CONDIMENT IN PLACE OF ANOTHER CONDIMENT, WHY THE F#*% ARE YOU CHARGING THEM, YOU EVIL F#*%S?

Rant over.