I swear to god I used to joke about this back in the day. Ricky Martin had the looks, the moves, he had it all. But one thing I kept saying to myself and anyone else who would care to listen is -- Ricky Martin just had to be gay.
But would anybody listen to me? Nope. They said, "No-ooo, he can't be gay -- look at all the women dancing with him in his music videos -- he looks like he's really enjoying himself!" Yeah. He was. Because he knew that after the video shoot he would be going back to his mansion to SMOKE A POLE!!!
They laughed at me. But in the end look who is laughing last. OH yeah.
I have pretty good "gaydar." But in this case, I felt as if I was living in a world gone mad -- because why was I the only one who could see something so obvious?! Just think to yourself the general vibe Ricky Martin had... very similar to George Michael, am I right?
Come on. Like we didn't know the deal here.
Yes, Ricky Martin was a beautiful man who garnered the adoration of millions of women around the world. He danced and touched and kissed the ladies and made them melt. But secretly inside he was someone else entirely. He was living a lie. Now it is out. Yes, in reality, Ricky Martin fancies the man meat. He smokes the baloney pony. He takes it in the balloon knot. A pillow biter. He is a poopie purveyor and a turd buglar. And I am laughing. Can you hear me laugh? Hohoho!
Today I will make another prediction: Ryan Seacrest is also gay and he will come out as well. It's only a matter of time. Yup. He has the same characteristics as George Michael and Ricky Martin and many other gay celebrities: So good looking you just know he stares at himself in the mirror doing Blue Steel at every opportunity. That's what I think. That is what I think you will read in the news some day in the future. Yes.
Thanks to my wife Pam for the tip