Thursday, August 6, 2009

Offical Avatar Movie Poster Hits, Hilarious Commentary Ensues

Here's the official Avatar poster, wanna see it?

Anyway, so this poster sparked some recent Avatar-related commentary on the AICN Talkback boards. The mere thought that Cameron fanboys might actually be ripping on this breakthrough, "it's-gonna-change-the-way-all-movies-are-made" upcoming film is funny to me. As I read the comments I was surprisingly entertained. Here are some of my favorites, see if you have a chuckle or two...

Looks like the TOTAL RECALL DVD cover. Underwhelmed.

All of the artwork we have been shown is exremely generic. Nothing as groundbreaking as seeing the terminator or alien design for the first time.

I'm glad to see Rebecca Romijn is getting some work.

In terms of EYE RAPE, that there nifty TRON trailer ALREADY raped the world's eyes. EVERYONE I know, from the casual consumer of occasional geekfilm to the RAGING FANBOYS n' FANGIRLS went completely apeshit for that trailer. Not so much for a giant picture of a Thundercat.

A turd in 3-D is still a turd... by Jim Cameron's beard, doth sayeth.


Will the cat girl=JarJar? Remember his "performance" was supposed to revolutionize film making as well...

I can't wait to see this do the relative box-office of BEOWULF, which is all anyone is going to see it as - "Wow, it's one of them computer movies!" They could spend $500trillion dollars on the effects, put the movie in 3-D with Smell-o-Vision added, dance in the streets advertising free beer at the auditoriums, and people would ignore this. Just look at what happened at ComicCon. The geek crowd went rushing to their blogs to proclaim it ... kinda OK, and the average person remained totally unaware of it. Consider that they're going to show a BIG CHUNK RELAIVE TO THE RUNNING TIME of this movie for FREE because they can't drum up interest any other way. This project is beyond doomed, and may destroy a studio in the process, and will almost certainly destroy the bankability of one James Cameron, who really ought to know better. It's a SCIENCE FICTION MOVIE ABOUT A HERO WHO'S NEVER IN DANGER BECAUSE HE'S USING A PUPPET ... WHO GETS TOGETHER WITH A BLUE THUNDERCAT IN THE JUNGLE TO LEARN THE BEAUTY OF NATURE. Consider that. Just ****ing consider that, all you proclaimers that it's going to be the biggest box-office hit of all time. You're NUTS.

Wow, CGI so realistic they could have painted an actor for the same exact effect!

This movie is about the epic quest to get danny devito's autograph.

James “King of the World” Cameron has not spent 12 years and 300 million to simply make a movie, F#*% NO, what he’s done is created a motion picture so advanced that every aspect of it has been though out to the tiniest detail from the gravitation field of the planet Pandora right down to the cellular structure of a 12 foot tall female with an enormous blue gash!!!


Why the hell did the title designer choose Papyrus font? It is the single most overused "specialty font" around. I guess everyone thinks it looks classy and refined. It just looks tacky now.

They say when you see this poster in person a dick comes out of it and f#*%s you in the eye.

In her p#*@y, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering as you are slowly digested over a thousand years.

I am thinking that this will be another Abyss.

Horrible, just horrible marketing!!! Really, who's supposed to give a shit seeing that poster? No one besides some fanboys knows anything about that upcoming flic. No teasers, no interviews, rarely any glimpses regarding the look of the movie. I know, Cameron wants to suprise the fans but Sci-Fi just doesn't play for the common audience (anymore). And that poster is just another example of bad marketing. It's too simple and uniteresting to tease the everyday moviegoer and the letters "from the director of...Titanic" won't do anything for the Sci-Fi-fans! I'm surely going to watch this but I'm affraid that a possible new quality franchise will totally bomb just because of lousy marketing!

Will there be onscreen sex? And a gigantic blue hovering nutsack swinging in gloriuos 3D over our eyeballs? There better be, otherwise devin from chud won't like it.

Ya know, this all kinda reminds me of 1999, when everybody heard George Lucas was about to release the first of three "prequel" movies to STAR WARS. George-f#*@ing-Lucas, man. After twenty years' sabbatical, the dude who directed STAR WARS was gonna come back, with today's special effects to finally realize his imagination, to DIRECT ANOTHER STAR WARS MOVIE!!! And that first trailer!!! No way was it gonna be bad... Aw, hell, you guys know how that turned out. Anyway, Cameron is definitely eighty times the director Lucas is ... but so was Spielberg. And INDY IV happened. Maybe I'll reserve judgment until there's at least a trailer, but I have a feeling we're all gonna wish he'd put this money and effort into a TERMINATOR sequel. There's an awful lot of "Oh. Is that it?" going on here, and I'm afraid it'll only get worse.

I guess I'll have to settle for an eyeball hand job.



  2. The last comment says it all. According to James Cameron I was supposed to get my eye sockets FUCKED MAN! FUCKED!!

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