Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Batman DVD Boxed Set Makes Me Take A Look Back At Batman & Robin, The Worst Superhero Movie Ever Made

If you have ever had a doubt... if you have ever asked yourself whether or not Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin (1997) is the worst superhero-related thing ever put to film... ever... all you have to do is click play on this clip, and you will never have to ask again:

I can't blame you for not wanting to watch ten minutes of that... I can't blame you. But I wanted to make a point.

Don't ever think Daredevil was the worst superhero movie ever made. Don't ever think the Fantastic Four movies were the worst (including Roger Corman's version.) Don't ever think Elektra, or even Catwoman, was the worst. Don't ever think Underdog was the worst. No. There is one movie that could raise all of those to Oscar-winning-performance levels. Batman & Robin.

It would seem that after making a pretty decent Batman Forever, director Joel "Oh-Hi-I'm-Gonna-Open-My-Butt-Cheeks-Now-And-
Take-A-Big-Dump-On-This" Schumacher could not have screwed it up more if someone had a gun to his head. Bad acting, terrible dialog, stupifyingly dumb action sequences, constant zooms on asses and crotches, a fat-faced Alicia Silverstone, and even blatant toy sales pitches. Don't believe me on that last one? Fast forward to 8:09 and listen to Poison Ivy tell Batman about her action figure. For god's sake, do it!!

And ya know... if you're gay, fine, I have no problem with that. If you're a gay filmmaker, I say no worries. But come on. Schumacher ran amok with homosexual overtones in this movie. It was as if someone gave him a license to shoot gay rays! This was not the Batman & Robin that I knew. No, this was more like... more like... Buttman & Rubbin'!

How much do I hate Batman & Robin? Let me put it this way. If I were forced to choose whether to watch Batman & Robin one more time, or call these guys and pay them to do a live show in my living room on a Saturday night in front of all my friends with a camera running...

...I would pick the live show. THAT'S how much I hate Batman & Robin.

Critics destroyed it, and fans wanted to wring Schumacher's neck. Even many of the actors were incredibly embarrassed once the movie was released. Batman himself, George Clooney, jokingly denied being in the movie! At one point Clooney was quoted as saying, "Joel Schumacher told me we never made another Batman film because Batman was gay."

And now, more recently, after being subjected to years of venomous hatred for this awful piece of work (and rightfully so), Schumacher apologizes:

Well, guess what? As of yesterday, if you have sixty bucks laying around, you can buy
Batman & Robin, and the entire boxed set of pre-Nolan films! Batman: The Motion Picture Anthology 1989-1997 on regular DVD or Blu-ray, includes Batman (not gay), Batman Returns (not gay, but it had a really dumb sequence where Batman pulled a "wicka-wicka" DJ move... no one talks about this but he really did it), Batman Forever (a little tiny bit gay), and Batman & Robin (gay with extra gay sauce).

Just sayin'.

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