The Allegiance of Heroes

Be honest. Haven't you ever, even once, fantasized about being a vigilante? Maybe your car was broken into. Maybe some asshole was threatening you with physical violence. And maybe after it was over, you thought to yourself, "I wish there were real superheroes watching over us so they could take out these criminal shit-heads." I know that thought crossed my mind one night when I was taking the train into Manhattan. I kept thinking about Bernhard Goetz (pronounced "gets") and what he did way back in 1984. Goetz played out Bronson's Deathwish on a subway train -- for real -- by pulling out a gun and shooting four thugs when he felt his life being threatened.

Okay, so what do we have here, you ask? Well, apparently -- and I had no idea this shit was going on -- but apparently, there are people in this country who have taken on costumed identities, only to walk the streets and help stop crime. They are called The Allegiance of Heroes. They even have a dedicated website. Granted, it's a pretty crappy website but I digress. (damn, they can fight crime but they can't design a website to save their lives.)

Check out this video clip from CNN:

So many things are wrong with this concept. First, each one of these guys look about as intimidating as Richard Simmons. Second, they don't really have super powers and they can't run faster than a speeding bullet, so it's only a matter of time before some dude clobbers one of these guys in the head with a lead pipe. And third... well, I don't really have a third.

Okay, I really need to know what you think of this concept since I know you're going to dish out some comedy gold. COMMENTS, PLEASE!