Monday, February 16, 2009

"Today I Learned..." Part 2

Today I learned...

I learned that those giant garbage bags for contruction use can hold about ten loads of laundry

Wal-Mart has the best sunflower seeds and they come in a huge package

If you fart in an airzooka, you can shoot it at people across the room... I'm not lying

Eating lots of tacos for dinner makes my stomach hurt

Spending all your money on CDs does not make you a happy person

You can't put a stainless steel cup in the microwave. When you take it out the plastic handle will burn three layers of flesh off your fingers

I learned that jesus came to earth sometime after the days of yore

Old people die fast

That familes can be torn aprt by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs

That one shot of absinthe will get you very very drunk, and make you do things that you don't remember, like waking up with four different scars and a story of you answering the door for chinese food in your underwear. i will, however, continue to do this.

That standing next to a change machine in a bar can really pay off

I learned that if you rearrange the letters of Jim Morrison, you get "Mr. Mojo risin", and he totally says that in LA Woman. Horray for anagrams!

That when you see someone in your apartment community drive right into a fence you should act as if you saw nothing. This will hopefully keep you out of any threatening blackmail/suppression of blackmailer situations.

Mr. Rogers was the voice of the puppets in the make-believe world

I learned that all the kids like ice cream and cake

I learned not to sleep with your window open because the birds will wake you up

Always reach to the very back for the strawberry frosting. Just 'cause you think it's all sold out -- it might not be!

Bleach blond dreads look bad on whitey

Today I learned that there is a handy numeric scale with which I can classify my bowel movements

Today I learned how to bring up the program "Pinball" at work... lol

I learned that some people may not be meant to play with fire.

I enjoy a good sales pitch. I had often been tempted by free trips and prizes where the only catch was to listen to a sales pitch. Last week while on vacation in Florida we were paid $60 and a tasty breakfast to sit through a two hour talk about "owning" a time share. This guy was good.

That if you live in Colorado and are in desperate need of something to entertain your family while their are in town visiting you.... and numb your senses with alcohol... because of your family is here visiting you.... take a tour of the Coors Brewery like I did. Sure, the old lady is boring who gives the tour... but you get four (one in the middle of the tour and three at the end of the tour) samples (around 12oz) of beer for free. Better yet if you work there you get 2 beers free everyday at the end of your shift... why doesn't everyone in Colorado work for Coors? Why doesn't everyone who works at Coors just have their friends take the tour at the end of their shift that way they could sit around, talk, buy snacks, drink beers for free, and save money on going out. Am I the only one who thinks of this stuff?
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